I truly believe in selflessness. I’ve spoken about this before on different videos and blog post topics because pride or selflessness influences every single aspect of marriage!
I believe that when both spouses are being selfless, it can begin this beautiful cycle of deeper connection and more physical satisfaction.
What was that last feeling? Physical satisfaction? YEP. Let’s talk about it!
To apply this “cycle” to sexual intimacy, if you are putting your spouse first, wanting them to have a satisfying experience, they will want to give you a satisfying experience right back. It shows them you are thinking about their desires and needs, which is all people want in life, right?! To know someone wants to take care of them and make them happy! So if you carry this attitude as a spouse, more than likely, you’re spouse will begin to mirror that attitude towards you, if they haven’t been doing that already.
I think having a deeper sexual intimacy comes down to selflessness.
And I know that you’re reading that thinking, “Oh yeah, because being selfless is going to instantly fix every problem in your sex life…” Well, let me explain it a little more :)
FIRST OF ALL:
I get that the word “selflessness” is kind of a loaded word. So let me give just a few examples of selfless actions when it comes to sexual intimacy:
- Keeping track of how many days it has been since you last had sex, and wanting to make a change if it has been too many days.
- Initiating sex, especially when you’re spouse is the initiator most of the time.
- Trying a new outfit, position, or setting :)
- Helping your spouse focus on achieving an orgasm. (Many spouses are focused on their own pleasure and time frame, rather than a mutual experience)
- Dropping your to-do list for 30 minutes because you sense your relationship could use some physical intimacy and thereby, more emotional intimacy.
- Helping your spouse relax with a massage or something, because you realize that helps them prepare for sexual intimacy.
- Being willing to get help if you’re having physical or emotional issues in sexual intimacy.
If you are doing any of these fairly consistently, your sex life can be wonderful, or it can improve wonderfully. I have seen these actions bless my relationship for years now, so I almost want to promise you that it will help! There can be more patience with each other when it’s been awhile, there can be more open communication about sex, and there can be more prioritization felt in your marriage overall.
SECOND OF ALL:
I didn’t say it would instantly fix problems. To an extent, I do believe attitude can have the power to make large changes, or at the very least, it can lessen the frustration of those problems. Just one example:
- Wifey just had a baby and has to wait the suggested 6-8 weeks before having vaginal sex again. I get that the wait is terrible (even though I have yet to be in that situation), BUT if hubby just complains about it constantly to the point where wifey starts blaming herself even though it’s out of her control, is she going to be excited to please hubby again when that 6 week wait is over with? If hubby is super loving and patient even though they both know it’s terrible, I think she’s more likely to countdown the days and hours to when they can have sex again and she’s probably going to make it a VERY special occasion ;)
While I believe attitude adjustment can go far, it can take major personal changes to get to that positive attitude. And sometimes there are psychological or physical obstacles that require more time or professional help to overcome. Because of this, there are so many areas of sexual intimacy that can be addressed! So I’m excited to bring you more blog posts covering these areas very very soon!
How has selflessness blessed YOUR marriage? Feel free to share in the comments below!