A Joyful Marriage - Week 16
By Amy Miller
Something that I found joy in is actually something that initially bugs me. And others may not understand it but I’ve just gotta share this thought.
Stop devaluing your relationship with your spouse
This week I’ve heard many people say things like, “I don’t remember what life was like before our kids.” and other similar phrases. And it makes me sad when people say that, believe it or not. I get that it’s a loving way of trying to say that children have enriched your life in a way that you would never want to change, and that you can’t imagine life without them. I get it. We all get it.
However, the way it can be said sometimes sounds like you’re devaluing your relationship with your spouse. I mean, even if those years of just the two of you were full of the naivety about the responsibilities and sacrifices that would soon come with being a parent, it’s not like that time was unimportant… It’s not like all that time is so insignificant that it should be forgotten. Those newlywed years were spent cultivating a stronger relationship, preparing yourselves for greater things like parenthood.
Another thing we may not realize we do: when we say things like “I don’t remember what life was like without our kids,” it has a way of telling other married couples without kids that their memories in their little family of two don’t matter. Which is probably why I tend to get bugged more easily.
I know many people will say, “Wait til you have kids, and you’ll understand.” Yeah, I’m looking forward to that new kind of love that will enrich my life tremendously! BUT that new kind of love with children shouldn’t affect the memories we have made just the two of us… How can you forget all these times of growth and love? How can you forget the reasons why your family began in the first place?
I have found joy in realizing this: that both of these chapters in marriage and family have their own kind of special value, and that both chapters should be appreciated and remembered.
Don’t say things that devalue your newlywed years. There are other ways to express how much you love your family, showing gratitude for both your spouse and your children.