Before I tell you the joy I found in my marriage this week, I need to preface it by saying that sometimes you can be so consistently down (#depression) that it’s hard to find joy in things. When you’re done being so hard on yourself every day, we tend to jump to the person next to us and blame our unhappiness on them. Which means … our spouse. We start to let the little imperfections in our marriages feel like big imperfections and it’s not OK.
I don’t feel it’s a coincidence that my mental health has been a battle for me the past few months, this week being the worst, and that this month of May is bringing awareness to mental health.
Yesterday I had some help with some spiritual epiphanies, one in particular that my husband and I were able to have together: that maybe we are living too much of a spouse-centered life.
I’ve put so much value and worth on the things I do in and for my marriage; for my husband. And with that, I get so down on myself when I fall short for little things or when my husband is frustrated with me over something reasonable. It’s not his fault, it’s me. While it’s important to make sure you’re serving your spouse, I tend to find my worth as a wife and a person in the things I do for my marriage and my husband, and that is setting myself up for failure because there will certainly be something each day I do wrong :)
I was reminded yesterday of what I need to be centering my life on, and I found that through more spiritual guidance than emotional and behavioral guidance from a therapist. I do believe, though, you need both spiritual guidance and emotional guidance at difficult times in life. Both did help me see more joy in my life this week.
In trying to roll all this into one sentence on the joy I found in my marriage this week, I will say that all this–the reminders, the further understanding, the relief–has made me feel better, and it has given me a new hopeful perspective which is something I have felt joy in.
I hope this helps anyone else who may be struggling with the worth they put on themselves as an individual based on what they do in their marriage.
If you are also struggling with depression or your spouse is, you may find these other articles helpful: