That title sounds funny but you’ll get it when you’re through with this post.
This past week I have been so grateful for Trevor’s support. I’ve been feeling down, stressed, and very emotional from some new medical developments in my life recently, and he has been there in ways I needed and also didn’t realize I needed. He reminded me how important support is between a marriage because it’s hard to receive that much support elsewhere.
I did allergy testing and finally got answers to why my esophagus hates me, haha. Turns out my body doesn’t like it when I consume milk, peanuts, beans, peppers, paprika, ginger, and a few other foods. I may not feel the effects until the next day but it results in heavy inflammation in my esophagus and chest. To see if there is improvement when not consuming these foods, I have to strictly eliminate them from my diet.
THINKING NEGATIVELY AND POSITIVELY
Every day since learning this I have a mental struggle between a variety of thoughts, just to name a few:
- “This sucks. How am I supposed to give up cheese, milk, ice cream, buffalo sauce, yummy peppers, asian dishes, almost all mexican food, and peanut butter?”
- “I’ve had a bowl of cereal and milk every morning of my life…”
- “OK, you love almonds and coconut, so I’m sure you will end up liking almond milk and coconut milk!”
- “OK, this tastes good, got breakfast down. Just gotta figure out lunch and dinner…”
- “Oh, there goes another meal I can’t make anymore.”
- “How am I supposed to make a meal that works for me AND doesn’t annoy Trevor with all the things he loves having to be left out?”
- “Maybe I’ll feel healthier and lose some weight because I no longer have to rely on my own choices, I simply can’t have it whatsoever.”
I’ll find out something new I can’t have and my heart sinks. Like when I walked down the Valentines candy aisle and realized I can’t eat anything from it. But then that sad thought is later accompanied by something positive to the situation, like “this will be better for us to have less treats laying around the house.” Though I discover new restrictions, I also discover the things I still can have.
As Trevor and I have been dealing with this new hurdle, we try and acknowledge other positives besides the food itself. For example, I get to be at home right now getting the time and energy to focus on this, rather than stressing about it on top of other responsibilities like school or a job. We knew there was a reason I needed to push through all the stress of last semester so I could finish my degree earlier. It’s hard enough navigating the options of meals at home and the grocery store, without the added stress of having to do it on lunch breaks or between classes where there are much fewer options for me there.
Another example is seeing that I’m very lucky that my allergy symptoms are not immediate and/or life-threatening. We were at Tepanyaki last week with family and I couldn’t imagine anyone with life-threatening allergies eating from this restaurant and being OK. Don’t get me wrong, the food is so quality and amazing but they also use the same spatula to cook all the meats and vegetables, and they don’t list all the ingredients very well. We didn’t realize going into it that all I would end up being able to eat was rice and soy sauce. That is when it hit me that eating at restaurants was going to be uncomfortable and stressful, and that this whole thing was going to be a lot harder than I thought.
The ultimate encouragement
Trevor has been my encourager every day and every step through this. He lets me cry and have a pity party but then he helps me find the good in the situation. He also helps me problem solve through it. He spent time looking up and installing different apps that can help me track my allergies with restaurants, at the grocery store, and finding meals that work. He is perfectly solid on what I can’t have and so I trust him the most to make me food. And he is so patient with the random meals I have been making lately of entrees and sides that don’t typically go together, haha. He has been eating basically whatever I’m coming up with and it has alleviated some of the stress! Poor guy, but it means a lot.
So far being married, we have had situations where we realize we can truly only depend on each other. Our families and friends are so amazing and absolutely care about us, but they also have their own families to be concerned about, understandably, so they can only be supportive to an extent. It saddens me to realize that some couples don’t feel as much support and dependability from their spouse as they should. It’s healthy to receive support from multiple places, we can’t put all our eggs in one basket. However, I believe that our spouse should offer the most supportive system out of everyone. That is why I have felt incredibly blessed that Trevor sees my needs and understands when others don’t. Sometimes we don’t always understand the struggles one of us is experiencing, but being there for each other can make up for that. And experiences like this continue to help us grow to be even stronger support systems for each one another.
It took me some time towards the beginning of our marriage to accept so much help from Trevor when I was struggling with anything. I wanted to feel like what I was experiencing wasn’t that big of a deal and that I didn’t need him to take a day off to be with me, or even to give me a priesthood blessing. Then I realized how big his role of support is in my life and I’m much more open to his help. I’ve realized I NEED his help. Don’t be allergic to your spouse when they are trying to help! It won’t kill you! If anything, they are your epipen! haha.
My spouse helps me to not let fear get the best of me, and instead let faith get the best of me. This is like the epitome of what an encourager is, and it’s exactly what I want to be more of for him! So I’m going to work on helping his faith trump his fear when he needs reminding, and I’m going to look more at the positive of my situation and have faith that I can do this.