This week’s lesson: you have to know the misery to know joy!
The past six weeks have been kinda overwhelming for us. School has consumed much of my daily life and my weekends. And I think it took me two weeks to finally get motivated to do my homework and be a part of school because I was just feeling so burned out– burned out from doing 4 semesters in a row and only having a week break before starting the fifth and FINAL one. Yep, last semester! It’s also hard to stay on top of school when I haven’t been myself emotionally. I wanted to cry over the littlest negative things that happened, and even the littlest joys that happened! Not gonna lie, I had some depressive days too which were heightened by situational stressors. I could list every little thing that has happened over the past few weeks but I don’t want to gain that attitude. Either way, I feel like I’ve been on this emotional rollercoaster for a few weeks, haha. Get me off that ride! (this little video says it all hahaha)
I had an endoscopy this week because I’ve had a hard time swallowing food well for awhile. I had to schedule it suddenly which was pretty stressful figuring out. Unfortunately I was having very painful breaths and painful swallowing the day after the procedure so the doctor advised us to go the emergency room. Did not plan on that happening to our week! I got medicine to help with the pain from swallowing, so I could eat and drink. The kicker on top of this: Trevor and I both caught a cold a few days earlier so having coughing fits just irritated my esophagus even more!
All of this was added to our already full plate. It was all just inconvenient with Trevor starting his new job, and me having a lot of responsibilities with internships and classes. I remember sitting on the hospital bed talking to Trevor about how we would handle everything going on. We were worried about him missing the first few days of just getting to know everything at his new job. We were worried about me missing my internship because I have to be there enough times to get the credit. And we were worried about how much money a trip to the ER costs! We just had a lot of worries and stress while taking on these situations that were dealt to us.
The tender mercies come
On Friday I was reading my scriptures about how we need to know misery so we might know what joy feels like. This has helped me look more positively at the situation, and has helped me see the tender mercies that have been given to us through all of this. So many examples:
- I am glad I did the endoscopy because they found out my esophagus was nearly 40% closed than it should be and they took the first steps to stretching it further open.
- My internship and professors were understanding about the medical issues and are going to work with me on my absences.
- My research group handled the presentation and assignments I wasn’t there for.
- Trevor’s work was super understanding about him missing work.
- I came home to beautiful flowers Trevor got me :)
- We’ve been able to rest our bodies and minds at home for a few days.
- I’ve grown closer to my family members through their support.
- And the tender mercy that I first noticed: after coming back from the hospital, the garage door opened when we hit the button on the opener that had supposedly stopped working! This was a big deal because we both had such low energy and the last thing we wanted to do was get out of the car and open it ourselves. haha. but seriously, it’s all about the little things :)
I realize life is hard for a lot of people and they experience misery worse than what you or I experience. I’ve had to keep reminding myself, “things could be worse.” I definitely had to say that to myself when they put that IV in me, haha. Though we have felt down in the dumps sometimes, we’ve also seen joy as well. We’ve been through these things together and that’s made a world of difference. Though the next few months might be overwhelming still, I am going to be better at looking at the positive. :)
For some reason when I was typing this post, I kept singing the lyrics: “Life is sweet in the belly of the beast.” haha. Not sure what Death Cab For Cutie meant exactly with those lyrics but I think it has something to do with all this. :)