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People have been asking how I am doing since I have been absent from posting much on the Freshly Married website and social media. And to answer everyone, I am doing GREAT! Some days are anxiety-ridden and November to mid-December we’re pretty tiring ( #sleepregression ). But we have been just enjoying life altogether regardless. Here is what Jack and Ethan look like! I know, right? I can’t believe I made these bundles of cuteness!
I wanted to share how much contentment I have found the past few months in settling into this role of being not just a new mom, but a twin mom. It’s hard to put my career on hold, especially in feeling a sense of responsibility to continue helping inspire marriages with this website and the social media pages associated with it that share things each day to inspire marriages. I love doing that, and it’s an important part of who I am. However, I have fallen into a feeling of peace that I’m doing other important things right now for myself and my family.
I know many people out there want to be pursuing this or that, and they see their friends or accounts they follow doing those things they want to do but don’t feel they themselves have the circumstances to do so. Instead of constantly feeling envious of that, I have felt so peaceful in embracing where I’m at in my life right now; knowing I don’t have much time and capacity to do more than caring for twins, being a good wife, and taking care of myself. These important parts of life are not considered “excuses.” In fact, I think it’s practicing what I preach on Freshly Married; That sometimes you need to let go of other less important hobbies/tasks/goals/ in order to focus on your main priorities.
Date Nights to the Rescue!
I’ve had so many marriage experiences and advice and quotes I’ve been wanting to share so badly! I’ve wanted to write them down and one day when I get the chance (in a few months probably), I will. But this is what our marriage has been up to lately:
We have an amazing sitter we found on care.com who comes once a week in the evening to give us a date night to connect with each other. As new parents, we consider this key to our survival right now! This has been a financial goal we have had since before we got married, believe it or not. We both said how important we felt this would be to our marriage when we have children, and so we made sure this past year that we were saving money for that specific goal. Each month’s financial meeting we do together, we have evaluated if we need to cut back in other financial areas to continue affording our sitter. We cut back in other areas because we look back on one week when she had bronchitis and obviously had to cancel with us and we both almost cried hahaha. So like I said, SURVIVAL. I know many people have asked about our experience with this and if we felt it was worth it and the answer is YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! I’ll have to share more about how important this has been to our marriage and for us individually in a future blog post.
We’ve been so much more intentional about our dates and using the few hours set aside each week to focus on us. Some things we constantly do: have dinner together! WOW is it so nice to eat slower and not listen to fussy babies while trying to enjoy a meal! We discovered we like to go to a soda place and get flavored drinks while playing a game with each other on our phone, watching funny videos together, or doing more of our uncommon questions. We always bring these cards with us to dinner, too! Monthly dates to worship in our church’s temple. We did the lime scooters at a mall nearby, Pumpkin Nights, ice skating (which we realized our bodies aren’t good at anymore!), movies (although not as easy to make work with time), and we recently picked back up our desire for sketching and drawing together. So Needless to say, we have been busy having fun and connecting with each other.
The last few months, I have truly enjoyed relieving myself of the “obligation” we sometimes feel to post about our lives on social media, especially for those trying to run a business.
I’ve learned it’s all about “times and seasons.” In 2019 my “season” was fully about health in having to cut back on every aspect of life due to the twins’ pregnancy. That was a hard adjustment, having less time to do those things I enjoyed until I accepted that growing our family safely and healthily was more important. In 2020, I’m going to carry over the same attitude that my priorities and things I have time for has had to shift, but that I’m OK with that. Keeping my marriage fresh is requiring more effort than it did in years past by nature of having children in our lives now. Though it’s hard work some days juggling our roles, I’m enjoying the thick of it all! This is my season of life right now and I’m content with it.
That is my advice to you this year. Think about what your time and season of life is right now. Consider what your circumstances and needs are and let those create your ultimate priorities you focus on. Let go of those other to-do’s that were less fulfilling, knowing that in another season of life (which can change in a matter of months), you might be able to pick those things up again. Don’t drop your hobbies or goals completely. Make sure you are fulfilling yourself, but release yourself from any societal pressures or obligations you may be feeling. It has been very freeing for me, personally.
Again, I have lots of marriage inspiration and tips to share that I hope to get back to doing soon, but until then, stay tuned and keep enjoying the evergreen content here on freshlymarried.com to help keep your marriage fresh, whatever the “time and season” of life you are in!