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Holding hands

We were recently married in the LDS temple. We wanted to share this experience with you – from our engagement to our lives now…post-marriage. We hope you enjoy the words of the bride (amy) and the groom (trevor):

This post has 2 parts: The bride’s perspective, and the groom’s perspective!

The Groom

Hello. I’m Trevor

I’m Amy’s husband and I wanted to share my side of the story too :)

TrevorAmy_reception_JDA_0063

Weddings are a bit crazy

Actually…that is an understatement. Weddings ARE crazy :) LDS weddings in particular include some funny cultural differences from the traditional wedding that make them even more crazy.

However, weddings are also wonderful. This past year has been wonderful. I have experienced being engaged, wedding prep, marriage prep, and temple prep and now I want to share this experience with you. I hope it helps a few of you or at least makes you laugh!

Our beginnings

As I started to get serious with Amy, my own thoughts raced back and forth:”Is this it? Is she the person I want to spend my life with?”

As we spoke with people about our relationship we found a few typical attitudes in our friends and family:

  • “You guys are soo young!”
  • “Just like all returned missionaries, jumping into marriage as soon as they get home”
  • “So many young couples get divorced and don’t know what they are doing.”
  • “Don’t rush into anything. I’ve been married a long time and you should just go have fun.”
  • “You should date other girls / guys.”
  • “Don’t get too serious!”

You get the idea :) Basically, there is a fear of marriage in our culture.

The Engagement

Amy and I knew that what we had was special and that it was right. We decided to get engaged! This is when the real tension started: My mom thought she was loosing me to another woman…she was constantly calling, and texting about worries and fears. We started to talk about birth control and other “post married” life changes and sexual tension really skyrocketed. We faced financial questions. We spent a great deal of time planning a wedding, dinner, and reception with all of the little details – decorations, food, clothing, schedules, invitations and all that jazz. I was finishing up a semester of school, trying to hold my head above water at the intense competition-ridden institution we call BYU.

As our engagement progressed closer to marriage I learned two key principles which I think can help every LDS couple preparing for a temple sealing:

  • Keep the temple as your focus
  • Make your soon-to-be spouse’s happiness your #1 priority.

Whenever I started to feel overwhelmed, stressed, or fearful I would take a step back and forget about all of the details and remember: “The temple is where I am being sealed to Amy. This is the only thing that really matters.”

The temple is free. Happiness doesn’t come from “things” it comes from people and from God. This is my little nugget of wisdom I gathered from engaged life which I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life.

after the wedding

After the wedding we took a look back and realized that everything worked out. It not only worked out…it worked out extremely well! Our sealing was beautiful. Our reception was very nice. Our family was very supportive and happy for us. Yaaay!

My testimony of marriage

I want to share a little happy secret to all those skeptics out there:
Marriage IS wonderful.

Yes…it is hard, it has its ups and downs, it is challenging…but it is absolutely wonderful.

I have loved being sealed to my sweetheart. It is the best decision I have ever made. I love being able to hold her close every day, sleep in the same bed, be intimate with her, read scriptures with her, kneel and pray together, go to the temple, and walk hand in hand everywhere we go. We get to talk about our fears, our worries, our joys, and our goals. We get to cry and struggle and laugh and learn together. We get to be one. She is my best friend. I have committed my life to her. THAT is a beautiful thing.

So yes, we ARE going to keep acting like a freshly married couple. We will be mushy gushy – kissing, holding hands, hugging, and making people feel uncomfortable whenever we get the opportunity :) We will tell each other we love each other over and over again. We will act like 5 year olds teasing, laughing, and tickling each other.

We will be in love. I hope I never stop… I hope look back on every day and every year as I grow old…still absolutely absorbed and enthralled with overwhelming love and gratitude for my eternal companion. I hope you do too :)

Keepin’ our marriage fresh every day,
Trevor


The Bride

lds bride, bride advice, newlywed advice, marriage advice, marriage help

Marriage IS the best

It seems like we say that to everyone, these days! When people ask how married life is, and when we write out wedding cards. Its just so true. It all started 6 months ago with a ring, a proposal, and a whole lotta love for the thief who stole my heart.

Being engaged seems like it was so long ago. Even the week of our honeymoon, we felt like that was a whole other part of our lives, as if it was its own journey in itself. There was so much going on from the second we knew we wanted to marry each other, to the day we finally did. I enjoyed that time because it was exciting, adventurous, and important to our relationship. However, it was also challenging getting through the long nights of hard goodbyes, and preparation. Four months seemed like forever, but it also passed so quickly.

I remember feeling so much excitement for all of the great things that would be happening to us in the coming months. There were going to be so many changes, and the best part was they were all good changes! I was getting a new roommate, a new living situation, a new feeling of home, a new family, a new financial plan, a new best friend, a new name, and ultimately, a new kind of happiness. When all of those new things came together, and we were married, we saw innumerable blessings come in our lives, and we are still reaping those benefits. It has shown me that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, and he only wants us to be happy in this life. He can give all of that to us if we do all that we should to obtain it. I’m so grateful that Trevor and I did all that we could, to be given this opportunity of love, that grows stronger every day.

As you can tell with the theme of this blog, I have strong ideals about marriage. I know that many of you are thinking, “Well, wait til’ you’ve been married 30 years, you might have different feelings…” You are somewhat right. Some of my feelings will alter, from time and certain experiences. However, my most powerful ideal on marriage will never change: It is the strongest relationship you can have on this earth, next to your relationship with God.

Everyone yearns for love, whether they admit it or not. I remember a year ago, yearning for love like I’ve never yearned for anything else before. I went through a difficult trial that could’ve either tainted my desire for marriage, or ignite my desire for it. My thoughts were on the later. I shed many tears, spoke so many prayers, and hoped so much, because I needed to find my eternal companion so so badly! Five months later, Trevor came into my life.

I learned so much about love through those months of waiting. I learned that you shouldn’t take people for granted. I learned that your significant other should be your highest priority. I learned that your best self should be brought out by your significant other, and vice versa. I’m definitely not perfect in the art of relationships, but I sure do know that being on the same page, or at least in the same chapter, is crucial for success. I am one of those few fortunate people that get to see what they were missing out on. We are all somewhat blessed to have the variety of positive and negative marriages to learn from. Trevor and I have seen both kinds of examples, and we discussed from the beginning, about how we wanted to do/not to do those things in our own relationship. By being on the same page about things, we have narrowed the gap that sadness, pain, and anger can sometimes seep through.

I have a testimony that families are central to feeling happiness in life. There are many examples in everyday life that prove just how important it is to have love and unity felt in your home.

Gordon B. Hinckley said,

“Indeed, of all the problems our society faces, the most serious is the breakdown of the family… The accumulated wisdom of centuries declares with clarity and certainty, that the greater happiness, the greater security, the greater peace of mind, the deeper reservoirs of love are experienced only by those who walk according to time-tested standards of virtue before marriage and total fidelity within marriage, and that the greatest sense of security and peace of mind is fostered within the family.”

I testify that is true. I have witnessed and felt examples within my own family, and I know you have too.

I am so in love, and I love it! I hope and pray that everyone can experience the love that can come through marriage, because it really and truly is, the best.

48 days and still…

 

Keepin' marriage fresh,
Amy

10 Comments

  • I’m impressed with your insights and opinions. You seem like you really know what you are doing! I’m coming up on 35 years of marriage and still remember how I hated that when we were engaged everyone seemed bent on talking us out of it. But, like you, we had received our confirmation that it was the right thing for us at the time. And I have never regretted that decision. Things definitely change, and it’s hard to decide if you love each other the way you did when you married. I know I can’t imagine my life without my wife, and I hope that is love for us at this stage. We also recently married off our youngest child and it has been interesting to watch them take off on this journey of marriage. God bless you both and continue on.

  • It’s neat to see another guy’s perspective on the engagement. Thanks Trevor! I’m getting married in about a month, and I am so lucky that my sweetheart isn’t into the huge fancy shmancy wedding thing! We can really focus on our true goal, which is the temple, not how much we can spend on a reception. My fiance is out of the country until 3 weeks before the wedding. That wasn’t the original plan, but we figured, if we give ourselves 3 months to plan a wedding, it will take us three months, if we give ourselves three weeks, it will take us three weeks. SO, she’ll get home and we’ll hit the ground running, and it will be wonderful! But I’ll tell you what, absense really makes the heart grow fonder. We haven’t really been apart much since we got serious. A week at Christmas break was about it… 2 months is rough, but it is fun too. We get to occasionally talk on the phone and plan little bits of the wedding, she tells me wonderful life changing stories of working with the orphanages where she is volunteering. Gah, this comment it way too long, maybe I’ll go start my own blog, becuase I could ramble on and on about this mushy love stuff, and I’ve a month yet until I’m in the married category. So excited. So in love. Good stuff. Thanks for doing this blog, it’s really neat!

    • Thanks for your comment Jake! We really liked what you said about how the amount of time you give yourself to prepare for a wedding is the amount of time it will take. Very true :)

  • Today is our 45th anniversary and we just came from our friend’s 50th anniversary party. How wonderful that you are working on a strong loving relationship from the beginning. Though our marriage didn’t follow a path as yours, we have remained strong in our marriage commitment and have found happiness and peace in being loyal and cleaving to each other through all the good times but so much more through all of the trials that could have destroyed our family had we not held on to each other. Certainly we would have crumbled had we not also reached out to our Heavenly Father and found strength and understanding of His eternal plan which put everything into perspective through every crisis. Our trials have included a son with a traumatic brain injury from a car accident, and depression and anxiety running rampant in both families to include the suicide of a daughter-in-law and a son. I am amazed and saddened at how so many newly married couples throw in the towel after a few months or years of marriage. They haven’t even given themselves a chance to not only adjust to their differences but to have joy in them. It has been said that people put far more hours of hard work into improving their jobs that they do in their marriage relationships. We have learned learned and grown so much over these 45 years and honestly, their were moments when we didn’t really like each other(which I have learned from professionals is normal), but we always brought ourselves back to the love we started with and I can’t imagine being without my sweetheart. At this point in our lives, we’re like an old pair of comfortable shoes that you just don’t want to part with to each other. Hooray for your good start…continue to strengthen your marriage no matter what it takes so you will be able to weather the trials and when you have “moments” (and you will), go back to these early notes you have written and remind yourselves of the beautiful love you share and make your marriage work and take joy in all of the good times you will have. Marriage IS beautiful isn’t it?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Thank you so much for sharing, Rosie! 45 years! Congratulations! Thank you for your love and support, and for sharing your “45 years and still fresh” married story. :) I admire your courage to persevere through the tough times together. What a fantastic example to us, and those reading.

  • Great comments! You two have it together and your focus is excellent. I hope my son reads this! Good luck in your future together. I remember when your mom and dad were first dating. Such a long time ago.

  • You guys are so right on! Even with us experienced ones in marriage, the challenge IS keeping it fresh and exciting! When the wolf is at the door, remember loyalty to each other is everything, and this is when you’re love is truly tested! I remember advising Amy to test her boyfriends early on to see what there made of-..for example, faking being out of gas in the car to see how he reacts!

    • Thanks dad! And Trevor past that test on our 2nd date when my car got towed and he paid for the whole thing! ;) I know right?

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