My Words of The Year
By Amy Miller
Now that the secret is out that I’m pregnant with twins I can finally share my words of the year because it has everything to do with them. :)
I say WORDS because I think it’s important to have a goal in mind for you as an individual, and then a goal in mind for your marriage. However you like to do your goals, whether by choosing a specific word to inspire you, a vision board, or simply writing down the goal in a sentence, make sure you are considering how you can strengthen your marriage. As I always say, “There is ALWAYS something to work on in marriage.”
Word of the year for me: health
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lovely graphic created by Elise Egbert[/caption]
WHY
In November, my husband and I both kickstarted our own little health plan and we were goin’ strong on it, even through my fertility treatments. We wanted to continue going with that plan into this new year because it was working well for us. And then I found out I was pregnant. And then a few weeks later with twins… haha. Needless to say, I’ve mostly been focused on just getting calories in rather than on what kind of calories I’m putting in!
Now that I’m managing my nausea better, I’m trying to consider healthier options for the babies’ sake! My husband has continued on his goals well, despite my random food desires, AND he even spends time researching ideas of meals that I might like that will be healthy for me and the babies.
So my health plan has changed from what was working before, but that’s OK. I still have some junk food and indulge in my sweet tooth but I have more motivation now to make some better food choices. We spent 2.5 years trying to get pregnant and now that it’s here and giving us DOUBLE the blessings, we want to do all we can to make this the best outcome possible. So it’s not going to be easy but I couldn’t imagine a better thing to focus on the next 6 months, than keeping me and these babies healthy :)
Word of the year for my marriage: transition.
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lovely graphic created by Elise Egbert[/caption]
WHY
The last month we have experienced a new normal for us and I think I’m having a hard time accepting it haha. I haven’t felt good, and everything has been about these babies. Example: our first date night of the year was postponed because we found out we were having twins just a few hours earlier and wanted to talk about it all and share with our families. Then the following weekend was me being so so sick with sinus headaches and nausea. So our “dates” lately have looked a lot like Trevor getting me some new snack or drink while we watch a show together on the couch.
Our lives have been very focused on these babies, understandably. But I’m worried about this fully taking over our lives before they are even out of the womb! I want to have date nights with my husband and feel good enough for hanky panky, and not have to stress about positions that are best for my belly. Haha. REAL THOUGHTS.
From someone who is a relationship expert, especially with marriage, I’m just worried about the quality of relationship reducing. I mean, The Gottman Institute has done studies and found that after the birth of the first child, 13% of couples get a divorce if they were married at the time of having the baby, AND I’ve also read that it’s 17% higher if you have twins or triplets! So do you blame me for being concerned?! I’m sure I’m not the only one!
I’ve been thinking a lot about this the past week and I’ve come up with some irrational thoughts and then more rational thoughts that I want to share:
- I’m assuming our relationship will lessen because our lives are changing from being non-pregnant and child-less to being pregnant and preparing for two kids. I’m assuming that our relationship is based on how late I can stay up, on my narrow restaurant choices he could get sick of, on the tasks I was able to do before but now can’t, or on the fun activities that we have to avoid doing (snow tubing, ice skating, etc.).
- I need to think more positively about this transition. Instead of looking at all the stuff our relationship isn’t right now, or how it’s changing, I can embrace the newness it can bring us. I mean, hello, KEEPING MARRIAGE FRESH through all the different life stages! Maybe this is a chance for us to bond over some new video games because I don’t feel like going out, or because when the kids are here, we want to save money on a babysitter and have a date inside.
- It’s going to require a little work to create a new “normal” throughout these different life changes. That’s what progression requires, right? And effort is required in order to handle the ebbs and flows of life. I think because this is still such a new thing we are still adjusting to, I feel some resistance on my end like it’s a game of tug of war with how our life used to be. But I’m already starting to feel more comfortable with our changes because I’m understanding them better and understanding how to handle them better.
My goal over the next six months is to create a new normal for us to get used to so that when the babies come we can handle their prioritization better while still maintaining the quality of our relationship. The best part is I have so many great resources to turn to for ideas, some even my own written articles that I need to refer back to and apply to this particular situation!
I would love to hear any tips or ideas that helped you in the transition of having your first baby!
If you’re finding yourself in a similar phase, here are some articles I’ve found to be helpful for me!
“Dating Your Wife With Kids Under Five” from The Gottman Institute
“13 Ways to Revive the Romance in Your Marriage” from A Prioritized Marriage
https://freshlymarried.com/invest-more-in-your-marriage-than-in-your-kids/