Last month I heard something on funny on the radio in regards to marriage and wanted to share it :) The DJ said that if you’re having problems in your marriage, you don’t need to “throw your money away at an expensive therapist,” but instead just watch a romantic movie together at home and talk about it after… I know he’s probably getting this from some stupid article that came up recently, but for reals? While I do think that many problems can be solved outside of therapy, I have a few thoughts on why I don’t think watching a romantic movie together is a cure-all…
Pros and cons
- Some couples might actually feel awkward watching a romantic movie if they are at odds. They might feel so awkward that they distance themselves from each other after the movie, which can make it worse.
- If you watch a romantic movie where the characters have a problematic situation relatable to the problem you and your spouse are also in, you do have the opportunity to learn from them, especially if you do what this DJ suggested, in discussing your thoughts and feelings on what happened in the movie.
- OR one spouse pauses the movie and says, “See! That’s what a husband is supposed to do! How come you can’t understand that?!” This is great because every spouse loooooves being boldly compared to other couples, especially fictional ones…
- Watching a romantic, lovey-dovey movie together might get some loving feelings coming back for your spouse, and maybe you realize that what you were fighting about really doesn’t matter that much. Maybe you will make up.
- Maybe watching the movie gets you turned on and you come back to each other, but odds are the same problem will come up later because you didn’t resolve anything.
- Last con: Many romantic movies whether dramatic or comedic, don’t get too complex in the relationship issues they tackle. Even if the fictional couple is dealing with a similar issue as you and your spouse, there are so many other factors involved that make it different. If your discussion after the movie leads one of you to suggest doing what the couple did, just know their resolution might not work out as well for you, and vice versa.
There are both positive and negative results that can come from watching a romantic movie together that I have pointed out here. I’m not saying that this has never worked for my marriage because I think some of those things above have actually worked in our favor. But I also don’t think that it will work out like that every time. Some marital issues are just too complex for a 2-hour fictional love story to handle, ones that a therapist is more equipped to help resolve! So I’m bothered that this advice was broadcasted so casually as if it’s the idea that will fix every problem in your marriage because odds are, it won’t!
In short, you can totally try watching a romantic movie together in hopes that it can ignite some sparks and bring you closer. I totally believe that can happen. However, don’t go into it expecting the issue to be completely resolved or even somewhat resolved because romantic movies are not a cure-all. They are not designed to fix relationships, just entertain them!
What has been your experience with watching a romantic movie together? Has it helped in some way? Has it made the situation worse? Feel free to share below!
Photos by Nicholette Photography