On Thursday, I was shamefully watching the daytime talk show, “The View” (I know, I stooped that low, don’t judge me), and I was saddened by some of the comments that were being said about marriage to their guest co-host, Candace Cameron Bure (she played DJ from “Full House”). She came out with a recent book, so they discussed some of her ideals on marriage that were written in that book. They asked her about why she feels that being a submissive wife to her husband, is best, and why it has worked in her relationship. Though these women of the show are always obnoxiously trying to voice their opinion (loudly) over each other, on any and every topic, a few of the women made their opinions clear. One host, Jenny McCarthy, asked Candace if she ever wins an argument against her husband because of her choosing to be submissive. Though I don’t know if I necessarily agree with all of Candace’s ideals on the partnership of being submissive in marriage, I admire how she answered that question: “It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about supporting each other.”

The lawyer approach

It’s very surprising to me how many people have a distorted view on what marriage is, and what it should be. I mean really, Jenny McCarthy? Winning an argument? Is that what your marriage is focused on, winning or losing arguments? Last time I checked, I was on the same team as my husband… We win or lose together. When we disagree and choose to not work towards a compromise, it’s a lose-lose situation. I think that when we start to focus on winning an argument, that’s when things can get worse. It’s as if we become like lawyers, trying to think of the most compelling argument, which sometimes ends up including hurtful digs on the defense. Though I’m sure we all have fallen into this mindset at some point, I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.

Different views

I guess I shouldn’t direct all my confusion and frustration at just Jenny McCarthy, or the other women on the show, because so many people have this take on marriage, and I almost don’t blame them. We are surrounded by media that portrays all kinds of marriages on a daily basis. We are lead to believe that things like cheating, and pornography are inevitable or acceptable in a marriage. Or even the smaller things we are lead to believe are acceptable and expected in a marriage, like yelling at each other when arguing is natural and normal, or that it’s OK to make big decisions without talking to your spouse first. And then we see these examples play out in real life from the couples around us, with cultural factors coming into play as well. I know my culture has played a huge role in the way I view marriage, and I realize that not everyone is going to agree on those views. And I guess that’s fine, it just makes me sad still.

I firmly believe that unity is the biggest key to a successful marriage. It’s important to be unified and understanding on decisions, and feelings. I have seen the good and bad consequences come from a lack of unity in marriage, and I’m sure many of you have seen that too. If we strive to be on the same team, I know our marriages can be more successful.

• all
• communication
• effort
• goals