When you’re in the middle of a fight or disagreement and things get heated, uncomfortable, or you just can’t find a mutual solution, what do you do? Some spouses let their frustrations escalate to the point where they say things they later regret. Sometimes one spouse completely shuts down and stops talking altogether. Sometimes the conflict never gets discussed again because the issue caused so much stress and problems. What’s interesting, about that, is this IMPORTANT thing to remember:

Before I tell you the joy I found in my marriage this week, I need to preface it by saying that sometimes you can be so consistently down (#depression) that it’s hard to find joy in things. When you’re done being so hard on yourself every day, we tend to jump to the person next to us and blame our unhappiness on them. Which means … our spouse. We start to let the little imperfections in our marriages feel like big imperfections and it’s not OK.

Maddie and Jake Topham are newlyweds living in Cedar City, Utah, and have been married for four months. On their story, she said this: “He’s my best friend. We went to high school together but back then I didn’t think I would marry him. Life took us on different paths for a little while until we met up again a few years later and we were married. We’re the happiest we’ve ever been!

Something that I found joy in is actually something that initially bugs me. And others may not understand it but I’ve just gotta share this thought. Stop devaluing your relationship with your spouse This week I’ve heard many people say things like, “I don’t remember what life was like before our kids.” and other similar phrases. And it makes me sad when people say that, believe it or not. I get that it’s a loving way of trying to say that children have enriched your life in a way that you would never want to change, and that you can’t imagine life without them.

*This post contains affiliate links. I think two big questions that married couples, especially newlyweds, have on their minds when it comes to sex are: How often or frequent should we be having sex? Does more sex make for a happier marriage? I’m going to give some insight that can help answer these two questions if you have been asking them yourself! THE FACTS + FINDINGS There are several studies that have been done out there to determine what the “magic number” is for answering this question.

The joy I focused on in my marriage this week: that I have the power and influence of Christ in my relationship. I would say “found” in my marriage like I normally do, but the thing is I’ve always known it. It’s just that I have daily reminders on weeks like this one, preparing for Easter. In the blog post: “Christlike Attributes and my Marriage,” I’ve shared about the ways that his wonderful examples have positively influenced the way that we interact with each other.

Last month, I read an article about parents needing to be their child’s “first responder” in a crisis. What they meant is that the first reaction shouldn’t be to yell at them for the situation, but instead, you should first help them. I can absolutely attest that this concept works because my parents did this for me as a teenager. Since I have always loved this concept, I applied this idea to marriage, of course!

The joy I found in my marriage this week: doing service together. Yesterday we went to a Latter-Day Saint temple together to do some service, since it’s been like 4 or 5 months since we last went. When we first got married we made a goal to go once a month because we feel spiritually lifted individually and in our marriage when we go. We kept that up for about the first two years, but the past two years it has been about every 6-10 weeks.

*This post contains affiliate links. In March I did a live video on Facebook talking about different books on sexual intimacy that I would recommend to couples. There was great feedback on that video, and it sounded like several people appreciated it! So I wanted to make sure it was published on my website for others to access as well. I only share three books in this video, but I think they are so great for helping couples enrich their sexual intimacy, whether this part of their marriage is heavily struggling, or they could just use some more insight.

The joy I found in my marriage this week: Unity. Not everyone is going to agree with the decisions you are making as a couple and as a family. And sometimes those decisions can hurt other people, without meaning to. So far in our 4 years of marriage, this is a recurring thing that comes up with the people around us, whether it’s with our family, friends, or neighborhood, we’ve had to do more balancing, say “no” a lot more, and even drop some friends.

THE SPECIAL OCCASION PRESSURES The night before Valentine’s Day, we were talking about our holiday plans and my husband voiced to me that he has spent hours over the past few weeks trying to figure out a special activity for us to do for Valentine’s Day that wasn’t something we had already done or that feels “same ole, same ole” like going to the movies. We even have a STRONG bucket list of so many more date night activities to try, but sometimes those ideas don’t work well with the season or other facts.

The Joy I found in my marriage this week: the power of a “thank you.” This week I have been noticing how much we say “Thank you” to each other. Whether it’s something big like bringing home the bacon from work every day, making dinner, or just giving a back scratch. For the whole week, I watched all these back and forth tokens of appreciation change the way we talk to each other, and the way we go about doing things for each other.

I asked Kinsey the following question: “How has having children changed your relationship for the better and how has it challenged your relationship?” What she answered with was absolutely amazing insight and advice when it comes to balancing parenthood and marriage. She also shared the very personal and difficult challenges of battling severe Postpartum Depression and how she plans to handle that with their third baby on the way. All of this makes Kinsey a warrior woman in my eyes!

The joy I found in my marriage this week: We missed each other while on our separate trips. And that says a lot to me. We both went on separate little trips this past week and we enjoyed them. Trevor’s was for business, and mine was for leisure, haha. We spent only 3 and a half days apart, which felt long for us considering the last time we spent more than one night apart was 3 years ago!

*This post contains affiliate links. I think one of the biggest hangups a couple can have when it comes to their sex life is not understanding their own sexuality first. It makes me sad that so many married people don’t even understand this huge part of their life and who they are. Which is like, the basis of a satisfying sex life for both husband and wife! Why it’s important SOOOO I want to talk just a little bit about this.

The joy I found in my marriage this week: being reminded of all the family and friends cheering us on. I received two loving reminders this week: I’ve shared here and there that we’re concerned about trying to have kids. I’ll share more on that in another blog post, but basically, the last two weeks the situation we are in has been on the forefront of our minds. The unknown has been worrisome for us, but a text message I received from my mother-in-law this week expressed lots of love letting us know that the family is very supportive and comforting.

#freshfridays quote asking “Have you had your six-second kiss today?” I don’t think we should look at the word ‘potential’ with an eye-roll, because it doesn’t mean a long kiss has to lead to sex. An extra long kiss is just more special than the quick kiss goodbye or quick kiss when getting home from work. So I think the ‘potential’ he’s referring to is focused more on how that kind of intentional and more meaningful kiss can lead to a more meaningful relationship; more meaningful days together; more meaningful emotional intimacy.

*This post contains affiliate links. I truly believe in selflessness. I’ve spoken about this before on different videos and blog post topics because pride or selflessness influences every single aspect of marriage! I believe that when both spouses are being selfless, it can begin this beautiful cycle of deeper connection and more physical satisfaction. What was that last feeling? Physical satisfaction? YEP. Let’s talk about it! To apply this “cycle” to sexual intimacy, if you are putting your spouse first, wanting them to have a satisfying experience, they will want to give you a satisfying experience right back.

The joy I found in my marriage this week: There are still new things to discover about each other. It was my birthday this week and Trevor managed to surprise me with a few things that I feel very blessed to receive. They were things I have told him about and were on my wish list but he just knew the colors, styles, and other specifics I would prefer when it came to these thoughtful gifts.

This is the beauty of marriage right here. I remember being single not having a consistent person to rely on. Yes, I had loving family and friends but they also have their own lives and their own problems. In marriage, though, your spouse becomes your number one priority and so you get to experience that loving feeling of being taken care of. There are days where I feel bad that my husband has to deal with my bad days whether I’m either emotionally down in the dumps, or just not feeling well physically.