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why I choose not to wear a bikini, saving sexiness for our husbands, modesty, lingerie, lingerie in marriage, opinions on bikinis, what a bikini does to your marriage, marriage advice, newlywed advice, marriage specialist

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I don’t like bikinis, I don’t wear them. I think they are immodest and inappropriate and impractical to be wearing swimming. I have read a few articles the past month, that have lead me to feel strongly about sharing why I feel this way about bikinis. One of those articles was, “I’m not celebrating bikini season this year” by Kit Steinkellner. This author expresses her opinion of the negative affects bikinis have on women and their self-esteem. This and other writings, just affirmed my feelings of two things: how much our bodies are noticed and perceived, and how important it is to reserve sexiness for only our marriage. I apologize if my thoughts offend anyone, however, I don’t apologize for my opinion. This is not just some jealous rant. This is something that pertains to our marriages, but also for girls and women in general to think about.

Bikinis = Lingerie.

Story time: Back in junior high school, all the girls were changing in the girls’ locker room after gym class, and someone yelled that a boy had come in the locker room. Though it was just a joke, girls started screaming, and covering themselves up in case a boy saw them in their underwear. A few months later, I was swimming at a nearby pool, and saw the same girls who freaked out and covered themselves up, wearing skimpy bikinis, all around several boys, being absolutely fine with it. Girls and women can dress this way, because it’s their choice. But don’t you think it’s kinda funny that a girl would be covering themselves up being in a bra and panties, but then be absolutely fine with wearing a bikini (which is more revealing in my opinion), in front of them? I don’t get that…

Why is lingerie something to be reserved for a special occasion in private, and bikinis are flaunted at every swimming pool? Am I the only one who does not see how they are basically the same thing? Each piece is made with a different material, and are made for two different purposes. However, they both “conceal” the same areas and both have a sex appeal. That makes them be the same thing, in my opinion.

I have nothing wrong with lingerie. Let’s be honest here, I wear it myself and enjoy it. Here’s the difference:

When I wear lingerie, I wear it for my husband. When a bikini is worn (shaping your curves in the exact same way that lingerie would), it’s worn for everyone – family, friends, strangers.

Think about that. Multiple strangers looking at your half-naked body. It’s as if you stop being viewed as just another patron swimming at the pool, and instead, become the front-cover girl on Sports Illustrated magazine – swimsuit edition. We all know this is not an exaggeration. People do look at each other this way, and most of them are probably men and young men. It makes us want to ask ourselves some questions: Would you wear lingerie in front of your father? Would you wear lingerie in front of a 40 year-old man you don’t even know? I would think the answer would be no to these.

why I choose not to wear a bikini, saving sexiness for our husbands, modesty, lingerie, lingerie in marriage, opinions on bikinis, what a bikini does to your marriage, marriage advice, newlywed advice, marriage specialist

The points I wanted to make are these: wearing a bikini is inevitably dressing sexy whether you think it is or not. I believe this sexiness should be saved for our husbands.

I remember a few months ago, putting on an outfit, where Trevor felt like the shirt went a little too low on me. When I was standing up-right, it appropriately covered me, but when I bent over, it didn’t. I didn’t really notice this, but he kindly let me know, and said, “I wouldn’t want other guys to see you.” I already knew Trevor felt this way about how I dressed, but was proud of him for speaking up in this situation. I think it’s important for spouses to express their feelings about situations like these, if they come up. I’m sure with the Latter-Day Saint culture, where modesty is something we’ve encouraged and have been taught for a long time, it can just be assumed that even in marriage, we will adhere to the guidelines and dress modestly. But I don’t know if that’s always the case.

The way we dress is a personal choice, of course. I know that no matter what opinion I express, there will still be bikinis worn at every pool. And it doesn’t mean we won’t be friends still if you do wear a bikini. Again, I’m just saying that I don’t understand it. Bikinis being constantly adjusted when wearing them in the pool or a water park, or even just walking around! The outfit isn’t even logical for water activities anyways. You’re constantly pickin’ out that wedgie, or holding your chest so it doesn’t fall out of the little-to no support holding them in. It doesn’t make sense to me that lingerie is not socially acceptable in public, and yet bikinis are.

If I were to ask Trevor if he were OK with me wearing a bra and panties in public, what do you think he would say? Of course, he would say no. I’m going to be bold and say this: to the married women OK with wearing bikinis, have you asked your husband if that is OK with him? I can’t imagine too many husbands being OK with their wives dressing sexy for other men, even unintentionally. I’m going to be bold even further and say this: I don’t think it’s OK to go ahead and dress like that without asking what your husband thinks. If you and him both feel comfortable with it, then that’s… cool, I guess.

I realize that most wives don’t go out with that intention of dressing sexy for someone else, but you do realize that is what wearing a bikini is doing, right? It is naive to think that we don’t dress to impress people. So who are we trying to impress when we wear bikinis? I’m not agreeing with it, but I understand single people wanting to be appealing, and show off their body to be attractive. However, my husband already loves me, and knows my body. So why should I show off my body to other people, as if it mattered?

OK, bold again: I don’t think husbands should be OK with their wives dressing like this, and I don’t think wives should be dressing like this in the first place.

To me, this is saying, “My body is no longer special for just you. Remember how I shared the sacred parts of my body with you and only you, my husband? Yeah, well now I’m going to share aspects of that with strangers at the pool. I hope that’s cool!”

I saved sex for marriage, to have this sacred act be done with my husband and only my husband. Any and all sexiness I have is, and should be reserved for him. I think it’s important for us to all remember that in our own marriages, in anything we wear from our closet. Though I’m directing this at bikinis, other ways we dress can also have the potential to be too revealing. From the story I shared above in my own marriage, I am obviously working at it myself. That is why I choose not to wear a bikini. That is why I want to strive to respect myself by respecting my body, and respect my husband in dressing appropriately modest. That is why I say this to girls, women, and especially married women: that bikini — save it for your husband.

You can see an updated post on this matter in “Save it For Your Husband – Part Two” where I share some interesting feedback I discovered a few months after writing this.

Keepin' marriage fresh,


  • I don’t find either lingerie OR bikinis appropriate on any occasion. We aren’t supposed to be inciting lust, and what’s the purpose of lingerie? Lust. How does that help our husbands control their passions? It doesn’t.

    Sex is part of life, but there’s no reason it needs to be made cheap, trashy, and disgraceful. Modesty is not something that ends at the bedroom door.

  • I feel moved to say that I completely agree with this article. I know it is meant to be centered on women, but do we consider men’s apparel too? If they wouldn’t wear just boxers or briefs out, why wear just swimming shorts? I never considered this until my boyfriend of nearly 3 years brought it up. He has taught me a whole lot about the mind of men and what constitutes dressing modestly. We keep each other in check as needed along with our kiddos. Just a little tid bit to add to your article. ????

    • Hi jess!

      Thank you for your insight on that, because you’re right, we should be thinking similarly when it comes to the way men dress as well. I’m glad you enjoyed the article and what a great example to share that you keep each other in check when it comes to how you’re both dressing!

  • Thank you for sharing this! I was looking for some advice on this topic, and happened to find your post! I agree with everything you are saying, and this definitely makes me think more about my own clothing choices. I do have just one question though. If you don’t wear bikinis, what do you wear when you swim at the pool? Thanks again!

    • Brittany! Hey sorry for not responding sooner! I wear all the other options besides a bikini :) haha. I mostly do a tankini with bottoms that have a little more length than a bikini bottom. I also try to wear a top that doesn’t have a v-neck so that my cleavage can be seen still. I think it defeats the purpose to wear something that covers your stomach but still shows your cleavage in some way. I think you have to decide how you feel about it, but again, it’s super important to consult your husband about it and see if he feels comfortable with it :) I’m glad this could help in some way, Brittany!

    • Oh my goodness those are such great suit styles! I would totally wear those. I am in the market for a new suit for our next vacation so thank you for the suggestion! I already found fifteen suits I would totally wear!!

  • There are aspects of this I believe, but I strongly disagree with a man governing a woman’s body. I just struggle very much with the concept that our bodies belong to anyone but ourselves.

    • Chloe, thanks for sharing your opinion with us. You’re very right, our bodies do belong to ourselves. I’m not implying that our bodies should belong to anyone. What I meant behind what I have said, was that I don’t think a lot of husbands enjoy seeing their wives wearing revealing clothing, that other men will inevitably see them in. In my case, my husband is the only one who I have chosen to share my body with, so he would not like me, essentially, sharing half of my body so willingly to other people. I believe that by simply not caring about my husband’s opinion of an outfit like a bikini, I would be disrespecting him.

  • Hey! I just encountered your blog and this post caught by eye. Not being from the LDS culture I was always fascinated by the concept of modesty and how my definition might be different from another person who is a part of the LDS culture. For example, where I live it is always very hot so tank tops are my go to attire for the sole purpose of staying cool in the heat. I was confused why in some instances my clothes would be defined as immodest. Reading your post I completely understand what you are saying, it seems today, the media always uses sex appeal particularly of women to sell products so we as consumers feel we need to look like the people on TV or in magazines. The bikini is a go to for most girls and some girls do wear them to attract the attention of men. I loved your perspective on this and I am so glad I found your blog!! So excited to be a new follower of your blog! :D I write a blog where I aim to document positive experiences in life. If you would like to check it out the link is below. Thanks again for such an awesome post!!

    • Alia! Thank you for your kind comments, and for sharing your opinion! It sounds like you understand yourself how the media encourages sex appeal. I just think that we don’t have to contribute to that by controlling our own ways of showing sex appeal. Our LDS faith does encourage modesty, and it you’re right it is interesting to know what other’s definitions of modesty are. I think for me, it’s just wearing something I feel comfortable in, that won’t be making anyone else feel uncomfortable, and being respectful of the special body I’ve been given. I think that anyone could understand the point of view I had on this subject, coming from any religious or non-religious stand point.
      Your blog seems very uplifting and focused on the positive things in life :) That is awesome! Keep it up. Thanks!

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