Amberly of A Prioritized Marriage, is someone I absolutely look up to when it comes to marriage! I instantly fell in love with her message and admired the educated expertise she brings to her platform. She is someone I want you to hear from, so I asked Amberly a few questions to answer for you!
She gives great responses that not only demonstrate her important message of making the relationship with your spouse a priority, but she shares specific actions on how to do that. She also talks about how the unfortunate situation of having a premature baby in the NICU taught her and her husband to work as a team. In the final question, she gives an AWESOME tip for when you can’t do a legitimate date in the week! It’s like my new favorite marriage idea right now!
I hope that you will take to heart her advice and suggestions, as she experiences everyday marital challenges herself.
What is something new you have learned this past year in marriage, and how did you learn it?
I’ve always known this, but I think the biggest thing that the past year has solidified in my mind about marriage is that the challenges in life can either make you or break you. In fairy tales, after the couple struggles to get to their wedding day, fighting against the villain and all of the forces that try to push them apart, they “live happily ever after”. I’m sure most people laugh at this because life after marriage is not always happy-go-lucky like the fairy tales would have you believe. Life is full of trials and struggles and you will face many of them in your marriage, both as a couple and individually.
This past year, we went through a number of challenges, but the biggest one was that our baby girl was born eight weeks early and had to spend three weeks in the NICU. During that time, we were working every day to balance our time between our toddler at home and our baby in the hospital. At the same time, my husband was working full time and we were still trying to find time for each other. A challenge like that is hard, and the stress of the situation and the strain that it puts on your family could easily break you and hurt your marriage.
We found that the best thing to do was to fight against the problem as a team rather than letting it cause fights between the two of us. Tackling your challenges as a team does a lot of things for your marriage. It teaches you how to problem solve together, brings you closer as a couple and strengthens your marriage relationship. If you are able to go through a trial and come out the other side better off as individuals and a couple, you’ll be that much more prepared to tackle the next thing that comes your way.
Why do you think some marriages fail and others succeed?
I think that a big thing that goes into the success of a marriage is the effort that both partners put into the relationship. When you are dating someone, you are constantly trying to impress them, woo them and win them over. I feel like for so many couples after they get married, all of that stops.
I’m not saying that you have to buy your wife flowers every single time you take her on a date or be your happiest, best foot forward self every moment that you’re together. You should make an effort every day to let your spouse know that you are thinking about them, that they are a priority in your life, and that you are working to make your marriage better.
Each stage of life comes with obstacles that make putting your marriage first a daily challenge. Whenever I tell people that my marriage is my first priority, I get a lot of different questions. How do you do that with kids? What about work deadlines? There are other things that have to be a priority, so how do you put your marriage first?
Here’s the thing… Making your marriage a priority doesn’t mean that you have to put all of your energy into your marriage, every hour of every day or that there aren’t other things in your life that are a priority or need to come first sometimes. Prioritizing your marriage means that you find ways to connect with your spouse on a daily basis. It means that you do little things to show your spouse that you’re thinking about them. And it means that you set goals to make your marriage better and work toward them as a couple.
If you are constantly working on your marriage and trying to better the relationship that you have with your spouse, you will be more likely to succeed in marriage!
What is one way you try to keep your marriage fresh?
We make date night a priority every single week. Sometimes we’re able to get out of the house, sans kids, for a few hours. Other weeks we have date night at home after the kids are in bed. And some weeks there are other things that come up and have to take priority over our normal date night so we have a mini “date moment” during the week, enjoying a treat on the back porch after the kids go to bed or playing a game together before we go to bed.
We’ve also found that spending a night or two away together a couple of times a year is really beneficial to keeping that spark alive in our marriage. Even before kids, we made this a priority. The two things we look for when we get away are a big soaking tub and breakfast brought to our room in the morning. We try to get away for our anniversary, the week between our birthdays and sometimes for Valentine’s day. This spreads our getaways out throughout the year and gives us two or three weekends to really look forward to, and gives us something to always be planning together.