Seems weird to wish everyone a happy quarantine/lockdown, but these are the times we live in right now! It seems everyone is affected one way or another from the COVID-19 global pandemic. Some people are affected financially with job loss or revenue. Some people are affected with loss of loved ones or even just the loss of a social life. Some people are missing out on important milestones and celebrated events like weddings and even prom.

Every card game and board game comes with instructions or a manual so that every player can understand how to play the game. Many games have options or different sets of rules for the kind of game you want to play, based on how many players, how competitive you want it, or even desiring a more simple version. Why am I explaining something you probably already know? Because I’m about to relate it to marriage, of course!

**This post contains affiliate links. This means, if you make a purchase through any of these links, we’ll receive a small portion of your purchase at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Freshly Married! The idea of sharing your hopes and dreams as individuals and as a couple is so meaningful to a relationship! There are so many positives it brings to your life because it’s a very hopeful concept.

When I originally wrote this draft blog post about 4 years ago, I mentioned that our way of doing things with our finances has been very successful for us, and that we didn’t have issues between us due to finances… WELL, then we bought a house, and cars, and started investing in retirement, got fun medical bills, doing our own side businesses, etc. So our finances got a little more complex, and therefore the responsibilities of managing them got a little bit more intense.

The learning curve I think one of the biggest learning curves of newlyweds is decision-making. Of course, you had to make decisions before when you were dating and engaged, but it can be different because the stakes are different. And I think when a person is so smitten with someone, they are more likely to bend to the other person, haha. The biggest difference when it comes to decision making in marriage is that you now have so many things you’re making decisions about, all involving and affecting the other person.

*This post contains affiliate links. A very common complaint among married couples, especially couples that have sexual intimacy problems, is that one spouse seems to want or enjoy sex more than their spouse does. This scenario is a difficult one to provide a one-size-fits-all answer to because there are two different perspectives, with a variety of possible reasons or causes of this gap, and a variety of ideas on how to tackle this situation!

When you’re in the middle of a fight or disagreement and things get heated, uncomfortable, or you just can’t find a mutual solution, what do you do? Some spouses let their frustrations escalate to the point where they say things they later regret. Sometimes one spouse completely shuts down and stops talking altogether. Sometimes the conflict never gets discussed again because the issue caused so much stress and problems. What’s interesting, about that, is this IMPORTANT thing to remember:

*This post contains affiliate links. I think two big questions that married couples, especially newlyweds, have on their minds when it comes to sex are: How often or frequent should we be having sex? Does more sex make for a happier marriage? I’m going to give some insight that can help answer these two questions if you have been asking them yourself! THE FACTS + FINDINGS There are several studies that have been done out there to determine what the “magic number” is for answering this question.

Think back to the last time you had to drive somewhere for hours. Your foot is tired from driving so much and you just want to give it some rest. When you’re on a long stretch of road with few cars around or potential hazards, you want to turn on cruise control, right? This mechanism with a car has its pros: it can save gas and it keeps your driving consistent.

It’s no secret that this upcoming presidential election has got everyone on the edge of their seats, whether they strongly are for a candidate, are so against any candidates, or just don’t know what to think. Even people that like to stay away from politics are forming opinions. It’s been … interesting… right? One sad thing I’ve seen so far is all of the contention and even malice towards people with different political views.

Actor Chris Pratt just did and said some things about marriage and family that are too good not to share! Two things spoke out to me in this short article and I wanted to share those! (If you are short on time, go to #2, though!) TWO THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THIS: I love seeing couples make sacrifices for their marriage and family, whether small or large. To the rest of us middle class couples, taking 6 months off work to spend with your family is a BIG sacrifice, one that so few could afford to do anyways!

When life gets busy, it’s easy to just keep going and going, working at that to-do list. We let the little greetings we give to each other be enough. But you can’t go DAYS without truly talking with your spouse. Each of you NEEDS that. Whatever time of day it is that you are reading this, take that important pause in your busy schedule to ask your spouse how they are doing, in their day, in their week, or even in their current personal struggle.

[sc name=“soundcloud” id=“276708040” ] It’s not easy being a spouse to someone who suffers from a depression disorder or anxiety disorder. There’s much patience required and it might be harder to understand if you have never experienced it before. Some spouses go into marriage with someone who suffers from depression not knowing how much of a mental and physical toll it can also have on themselves. And sadly, many couples go into marriage thinking that because they are so in love with their soulmate, their depression is gone.

[sc name=“soundcloud” id=“276707574” ] I love this quote. This reflects what my husband has done for me and I feel nothing but overwhelming gratitude when I think about it. Spouses hold an amazing power to love you through your mistakes and weaknesses. They may be the only people close enough, and willing to understand those mistakes and weaknesses. It’s such a vulnerable thing, and for them to still stand by your side and come out loving you MORE is just amazing.

[sc name=“soundcloud” id=“276706899” ] It seems more people have been coming out and sharing that they suffer from depression and/or anxiety. Whether it’s just during postpartum or a life-long struggle, it’s not easy to battle, and not easy to share with everyone that you are among them. I’m grateful that more people are sharing this because it is not uncommon. We all experience hard and even traumatic things, and sometimes the explanation is just that the brain chemicals are imbalanced which causes the bouts of depression.

“The truth is, Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.” - brene brown There’s this amazing video depicting empathy by Brene Brown that changed my life when I watched it. She talks about the difference between empathy and sympathy, the mistakes we tend to make when attempting to give empathy, and what we should be doing instead. It’s super short, yet super powerful! The animation helps you understand well, too.

Have you ever tried to complete a puzzle without looking at the picture on the box? A few years ago I completed a beautiful 1000 piece Thomas Kinkade Lighthouse puzzle. I probably looked at the picture on the box more than a thousand times as I tried to figure out where each piece should fit. Being able to look at the box was a great guide and comfort though the process.

The use of techniques are found in our everyday activities; at your job, in your hobbies, cleaning your house, cooking, or driving a car. Each one of these requires the use of a skill or ability that you have learned that has helped you perform better in these various activities. Guess what? This idea can also be applied to your personal roles, such as being a spouse. It’s naive to think that knowing how to be married should come naturally.

For those of you who don’t know John Gottman, he’s basically the number one guy in understanding couples and marriages. He’s also really fun to listen to! I respect him for his many theories in marriage, but this one is one of my favs because it’s fairly easy to remember AND it makes a daily impact on your marriage! It’s called the 5 to 1 ratio for healthier marriages. How it works For every 1 negative thing we do in our relationship, it should be accompanied by 5 positive things**.

One dilemma all marriages find themselves in is how to best tell their partner how they are feeling. What I mean by this is that sometimes when we try bringing up an issue with our spouse, we start it off with blaming or obvious anger. Think of the last time you started off a conversation like this. How did it work out for you?? If a conversation starts off like this, it will most likely end like this too.

A reader asked what I would suggest as ways to prioritize your spouse, and I decided to put all that information in a post because my reply is too big for a comment box! haha. So here’s my reply to my previous post: “Prioritizing My Spouse.” The idea of growing apart happens gradually over time. When you think about it, there will always be sudden situations that come up where you do need to be there for your kids over your spouse, but I think the problem starts when this is happening frequently.

A HAPPY AND HEALTHY FAMILY BEGINS WITH MARRIAGE In the previous post connected to this, I discussed how it’s becoming more normal to put less importance on marriage and more importance on kids. I think that this normalized mindset has given people this idea that a family only consisting of a husband and wife isn’t good enough compared to a family that has a husband, wife, and kids. NEWSFLASH: Marriage is the foundation of a family, and the most important foundation we will ever build!

*this post contains affiliate links. I recently looked through the scrapbook I made of our first year together, and it was fun taking this trip down memory lane, again! How special it is to look back through journals, or scrapbooks, and other mementos, and recover a taste of a memorable moment. One of those memories is this one that I made a scrapbook page out of :) It was the day we moved into our first apartment!

I love being right in the middle of a memorable moment when a certain kind of happiness overcomes me, and I can’t help but think, “I will never forget this.” Those moments are deemed “memorable” for whatever reason, and can stay in our hearts forever. As much as we wish they can be replayed over and over, they can’t be; unless you have a time machine in the form of a flying DeLorean, and your name is Doctor Emmett Brown.

Arguments, fights, tiffs, quarrels, disagreements, misunderstandings, whatever you call them, are bound to happen here and there in marriage. If a couple says they have never even disagreed before, they are lying to you and themselves! haha. Whether it’s a large or small matter, and consistent or rare. Trevor and I have our tiffs just like everybody else. We have moments when our minds are not in sync with each other.

If you’ve been following along from the beginning, you’ll remember that I wrote about the following married milestones: being married for three weeks, and then three months. So naturally, I felt like doing a milestone post on being married for THREE YEARS! That’s such a small number, but I believe every year is an accomplishment! And we’ve experienced so much together in this short time, so it gets me excited about what we’ll experience at our 30-year mark!

*This post contains affiliate links. Our time is very valuable as married couples, individuals, and parents. Weekends seem to be dispersed between your own events and obligations, family events, or just plain staying home on a Saturday night relaxing! If you got kids, throw in their games and activities, too. So when it comes to date night, it’s rare for some of us to find time for double dates, let alone our own dates!

As a society, especially women, we tend to get caught up in other’s love stories. The obvious ways we do this are through movies and novels, right? Writers make up these passionate love stories that (most of the time) are unlikely to happen, with the most convenient circumstances. When these stories are played out in movies, of course, we finally get to see it all played out visually so everything is played up.

There are many things in the beginning of marriage that we don’t know about or fully understand until we have been married for at least a few years. I’m sure you guys have specific situations you ran into that you stressed too much over, or maybe an aspect that you underestimated. Maybe knowing your spouse for longer has helped you know how to handle certain situations better. So for my #freshfridays question I asked:

So here’s that part two video about the marriage advice we received on our wedding day! The first video was me going through pieces of “bad” (cliche, not the best to follow) advice and why I think it’s not the best to follow. For this video, however, I wanted to keep it more positive and focused on all the GOOD advice we received on our wedding day because there truly were some great things said to us that stuck with us!

FRESHLY MARRIED IS NOW ON YOUTUBE!!! Click on This button below to subscribe! I was feeling like I needed to be doing videos as another form of helping couples strengthen their marriage because we all learn in different ways.I think this is also a great opportunity for my personality to come out a little more, which can help our relationship feel more personable :) I’m all about relating to others because it allows you to better understand them and trust them.

“…That is good news because no matter how flat your relationship may be at present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.” This weekend I watched Latter-Day Saint General Conference and heard some great spiritual messages! I also heard great messages about marriage, too! I especially found one particular talk I wanted to share that was so “nailed on the head” and relatable to all marriages, not just religious ones.

Last week I re-shared some posts I wrote a year ago about some struggles I had with social media. I felt envious at times. I felt too involved in people’s lives that I hardly talk to anymore. And because I was getting used to a new living situation now knowing anyone, I spent a lot of time seeking comfort from those virtual connections. Unfortunately but understandably, all of this made me depressed so I had to change these thoughts for myself, but also for my marriage because it began to affect that as well.

Choose to have learning experiences rather than fights, rather than ruts, rather than mistakes. Each of these IS an experience that teaches us something we didn’t know before. Choose to let that new information improve your relationship. For More see the blog post, “The Inevitable Storms in Marriage.”

Last year I wrote a series of posts on how social media can get the best of us and how it can affect our marriages. I now want to discuss another aspect of social media that can affect our marriages. THINK ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL CONNECTIONS I didn’t think there was a problem having tons of friends when I first started facebook back in high school. It was neat to be able to connect, but then I realized how it can make me feel envious or inadequate when I spend a lot of time on it and am involved in other people’s lives so much.

Hi. We are married and we both wear pants. That sounded funny huh? Well I’m just making fun of the stupid saying “Who wears the pants in your relationship?” because I hate it. Last time I checked we both wear pants, except on Sundays when I’m usually in skirt or dress ;) But seriously, though! I know it’s said in a funny and teasing way, almost sarcastically. However, remember, the thing about sarcasm is that there seems to be a little truth beyond its intentions.

In a presentation about having a more connected marriage, one of my UVU professors shared this cute story about something he does in his marriage and I thought it was inspiring to share! The Dot above the Door Handle One night when he came home from work, his wife mentioned to him that she felt like she wasn’t being noticed, like the things she did in her day weren’t being appreciated as much.

*You will get the most out of this post if you read Love Languages Part 1: Understanding* We’re talking about this best-selling book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman! (affiliate link) So hopefully you have taken the assessments to know what your spouse’s love languages are, as well as your own. And hopefully you have discussed it with your spouse as well. (If you haven’t taken it yet, no worries, still important to know all this!

*This post contains affiliate links. I am a huge believer in love languages! Gary Chapman is most well-known for this idea in his book: “The Five Love Languages.” There are other interpretations when it comes to understanding how people feel loved but this seems to hit it on the head for me! I honestly could say I have a testimony on how important this concept is to marriages because I utilize it repeatedly in my marriage and in other relationships!

**This post contains affiliate links. This means, if you make a purchase through any of these links, we’ll receive a small portion of your purchase at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting the brands that support Freshly Married! For the past four or five months on our dates we have been trying to better focus our conversations on ourselves, rather than work, school, and other business. Trevor would think of questions or look up some to ask each other and it was fun.

Story time When we were living in an apartment still, there was a new family that moved in below us; a wife, husband, and a few kids. Since they moved in, almost every day we heard them yelling. The parents would yell at each other, the parents yelled at the kids, and the kids yelled at the parents. I absolutely hated it; I cringed every time. Yes, I cringed because it is annoying, but mainly because it shows that they are were not loving each other and instead were hurting each other.

I just read an article about a national study that found 73% of Americans have given advice to a friend or family member about their relationships. Source is at the bottom because I don’t want to bore you like a class lecture. However, I do want to address this important role of being a confidant to others on their relationships, because these people can be a very influential lifeline to your marriage success, whether it’s positive or negative.

I love Dr. Seuss. And not just because we have the same birthday :) When he says things, it has a way of making you think differently. My perspectives change and sometimes it results with a smack to the forehead like I should have known it all along, haha. Well this quote is one of those moments for me. Appearances can be deceiving A lot of times we look at a complex question and think that finding the answer is also complex.

I’m so glad we happened to get a blooper photo of me actually picking my husband up because it worked perfectly for this ;) Mondays can be hard, huh? It’s beginning another week of the daily grind, wishing you could go back to Friday :) What helps us get by on these days where we are lagging? Sometimes it’s a funny video on youtube. Other times it’s a diet coke or brownie.

I love love love this thought because it’s a great reminder to me that it takes an effort to make things great, and even when it’s achieved, it has to be maintained! It also attacks that old saying: “The grass is greener on the other side,” and I have a few ways I like to relate this to marriage… It’s easy to look at all the other marriages around you and wish your relationship could be as wonderful as there’s.

I’m excited to say that this guy is starting a new job at DOMO tomorrow and I’m pretty proud of him! Getting this job is kind of a bittersweet story for us, and I want to share it because I think it’s something every marriage will face on some level. “There is so much more of happiness to be had when we can rejoice in another’s successes and not just in our own.

A few weeks ago Trevor went to a conference in San Francisco for work. For many couples this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Some spouses are away on business trips often. Well, for Trevor and I, this was a big deal because it was the first time we have ever spent a night apart… YEP. The last time we slept in separate beds on our own was the night before we got married.

I used to be one of those people that thought you should do anything and everything for your kids - that they should be the priority. It’s portrayed in movies of parents willing to do anything for their kids. Overtime this philosophy has changed for me, especially since finding Trevor. You can pause before continuing, and read this awesome article by a mom: “Why my husband will always come before my kids.

This is the last post in a series of three posts on this subject. It would be beneficial to read part 1 and part 2 before or after reading this post :) How social media has affected my marriage Trevor and I differ on our level of social interaction. I have a stronger need for it than he does, and it’s OK :)Being different in this way set a good example to me, that I’m grateful for.

This is part 2 of 3. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, reading it would probably be to your benefit. :) All the world’s a stage I think each of us are on a stage. We give a public presentation of ourselves to an audience – the people walking by us on the streets, our co-workers, friends, family, and our virtual friends on social media. When we go out on stage, we pick the parts of ourselves that we want people to see.

From about September to December, I really struggled emotionally with social media. I fell into some common pitfalls of comparing my life to other people’s lives, questioning how “real” people were, and spending more time being involved in it than I should have (though I wouldn’t say I was addicted). These things were lowering my self-worth, and making me feel ungrateful. I snapped out of this phase and realized some important things that have made me and my marriage happier.

I’m suuuuuper excited to announce that I am now a PREP trained facilitator! PREP stands for Preventative Relationship Enhancement Program. This accredited program is taught internationally to anyone wanting to strengthen their marital relationship! I have been training so I can teach this curricula to large audiences in the community, and I am happy to announce my first one! I will be partnered with three co-facilitators to teach a slightly condensed version of the program.

One of my favorite things about getting married, was that I received another awesome family in addition to my own awesome family :) There are so many great things that come with having another set of parents to count on, another set of siblings to have fun with, and of course, don’t forget those nieces and nephews! One of the difficulties, however, in gaining another family, is having to split your time between them for holidays and other events.

Click the play button to LISTEN to this blog post! [sc name=“soundcloud” id=“273872657” ] Back in college I had to do an assignment relating marriage and relationships to something. It could be an object or an action, we just had to explain why. I found a lot of similarities between hiking and marriage so I wrote all those down here for you! :) It’s a crazy, fun, stressful, scary, beautiful adventure together.

So remember how I am working on a degree in Family Studies, studying all relationships that come with that, and becoming an expert on how to have a good marriage? Yeah, well just because I’m gaining knowledge, it doesn’t mean it’s easy to apply to my own marriage ;) On a daily basis I find myself learning something neat about normal family functioning, and how to handle relationships. And of course, when I’m learning all of it, I think of the various relationships I have that apply to that idea, and it helps me understand and remember the concept better.

When you think about a typical honeymoon (or look back on your own honeymoon), it’s a pretty great experience :) This picture is of us on our honeymoon to Park City; a.k.a Our best vacation ever! Honeymoons are full of fun, low-stress, and are fairly worry-free because the happiness of being together outweighs everything. That happiness continues on after the vacation is over. Hence, the “honeymoon phase” phrase, haha. It was such a simple time.

*This post contains affiliate links. A research team under John Gottman, a well-known expert in couples research, found that, “the success or failure of a marriage depends not on whether there is conflict, but on how conflict is handled when it does occur (Walsh, 2012).” Because of that, Gottman has addressed the mistakes we make while in the middle of marital conflict, in hopes that we can correct our mistakes and live happier marriages.

In my marriage and relationship skills class that I took over the summer, my professor was making fun of his cousin who just got married and started a blog about marriage, as if his cousin was an expert on it. Apparently they would write in a way that the things they were suggesting were wrong. With my professor being an actual expert on marriage in being a couples therapist, I could see why he would get annoyed of people like that.

A few weeks ago, I heard a stupid song on the radio. Well, goodness, aren’t most of the songs on the radio kind of stupid? At least the ones on the cheesy pop stations, are. (I really hate most of what is played on the radio and am baffled that our society actually enjoys them so much that they become a top 10 favorite, but that is an argument for some other time, haha.

Remember when you first got married, and there’s that one (or more for some of us) person who makes the comment, “So when are you going to start having babies?” I’m sure we can all think of someone who said that to us, right? Some of them are just funny little grandmas just waiting to have more cheeks to pinch! But others can ask in an interrogative way about it, as if they may be upset if you give an answer that doesn’t include the thought of immediately having a child.

For more than 11 years I have kept a quote book, where I have written down any intuitive thoughts, quotes, lyrics, speeches, movie lines, or any other words that I have found meaningful. I’m very passionate about finding them, as they inspire, and encourage, me. I love relating some of these to my own life, and so I wanted to share this one I love relating some of these to my own life, and so I wanted to share this one that is very significant to Trevor and I.

On Thursday, I was shamefully watching the daytime talk show, “The View” (I know, I stooped that low, don’t judge me), and I was saddened by some of the comments that were being said about marriage to their guest co-host, Candace Cameron Bure (she played DJ from “Full House”). She came out with a recent book, so they discussed some of her ideals on marriage that were written in that book.

On Saturday, Trevor and I were doing dishes together, and we had a funny conversation about something. I don’t remember all of the words that were said, but I think it was about how I almost pulled a “your face” joke on him. I know, I act like a twelve-year-old sometimes because I say “your face is a _____ “(fill in the blank), whenever the opportunity arises, haha. Well this opportunity, he knew it was coming after he created the perfect set up, so he said it before I could say it.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way our blog is viewed. I wonder how our experiences are responded to. I wonder if we’re too bold in some of our marriage ideals. And sometimes I wonder if our life comes off as this airy fantasy of what marriage really is like. After I have written something, I think back at the reasons we established this blog and ask myself if the particular post can be beneficial to our readers.

I have been noticing some changes in myself since becoming a wifey to my amazing husband, Trevor. They are GOOD changes! We’ve been married now for about 8 months, and it’s been a fun ride. While the transition from the single life to the married life was so awesome, it was a bigger transition for me with how independent of a person I am. One of the biggest changes I’ve been proud of, is how much I have cut out of my life to make more time for Trevor, and to be a better wife and friend for him… I’ve focused more on the things that matter most.

The idea of sharing finances in marriage has been on my mind a lot recently. It’s possibly because I have had a few conversations with different couples the past month on how they run their finances. I found out that not every couple puts all of their earnings in one pot to pull from, and I found out how different this idea of combining money in marriage, can mean to everyone.

It’s November, which means most of us express extra gratitude for all of the blessings we have in our lives. As I’m very thankful for many things, the biggest blessing of all has been to have the love of my dear husband, Trevor. I have several moments where I have so much gratitude for my spouse that I want to shout to the world, “I have the cutest husband!” However, I’m realizing that a better, more respectful thing to say, would be something along the lines of, “My husband is perfect for me” or “I’m so thankful for my husband.

We love it when we come across marriage being talked about in the news. This article is something that was posted in the Deseret Newspaper in Salt Lake City, Utah, the other day, and I just wanted to share it. Though I’m not sure that I agree with titling these “marriage commandments,” I do think it’s a great suggestion to compare them to the ten commandments we have been taught about through the gospel.

Do you and your significant other have different likes and dislikes? Yeah, we do too. We have had some since the beginning, but are starting to know a lot more, lately! We are so glad that we have those differences, because they provide a little variety in our relationship (haha). And if we were the exact same person, we might get bored after awhile. I think some of those differences have started to get to us a little more, recently.

A study by University of Utah professor Jeffrey Dew showed that if you argue about money with your spouse more than once a week your risk for divorce is 30 percent higher than if you argue about money with your spouse a few times a month. So, how can we avoid this? How can we find financial peace in our marriages? There are five easy tips that we have chosen to follow from our faith, on churchofjesuschrist.

Amy and I can be a little goofy at times… Actually, pretty much all the time :) One of the goofy things we do is call each other “mine.” I came home to a note on the table today that said “mine.” I love my wife. I am very thankful for the nice little notes that she leaves me around our apartment, on our bathroom mirror, on the fridge, through text messages, and through voicemails.

In our first three months together, I learned: Routines are comfortably nice. To take a deep breath and be patient. You can gain weight quickly as a newlywed! (Yikes!)