I was recently reading an old interview with actress Jennifer Garner in Vanity Fair on her marriage to Ben Affleck. As you probably know, they split up after ten years of marriage, sadly. It’s something that I can tell she really wanted to work out, especially already having a previous divorce under her belt. She said some very mature and admirable things about their marriage and their divorce, but her overall statement made my heart break with confusion.

Recently, someone in church said something that completely resonated with me in so many ways, and I instantly started writing a bunch of thoughts on it that I had. I want to share those with you! She talked about how we sometimes look at people as obstacles, and how doing so gives us such a negative attitude and perspective on our situations with them. Hearing that really hit me and I think it’s because of the context it was in–relating obstacles to people, especially the people whom we have close relationships with.

The Joy I found in my marriage this week: the power of a “thank you.” This week I have been noticing how much we say “Thank you” to each other. Whether it’s something big like bringing home the bacon from work every day, making dinner, or just giving a back scratch. For the whole week, I watched all these back and forth tokens of appreciation change the way we talk to each other, and the way we go about doing things for each other.

*This post contains affiliate links. I think one of the biggest hangups a couple can have when it comes to their sex life is not understanding their own sexuality first. It makes me sad that so many married people don’t even understand this huge part of their life and who they are. Which is like, the basis of a satisfying sex life for both husband and wife! Why it’s important SOOOO I want to talk just a little bit about this.

#freshfridays quote asking “Have you had your six-second kiss today?” I don’t think we should look at the word ‘potential’ with an eye-roll, because it doesn’t mean a long kiss has to lead to sex. An extra long kiss is just more special than the quick kiss goodbye or quick kiss when getting home from work. So I think the ‘potential’ he’s referring to is focused more on how that kind of intentional and more meaningful kiss can lead to a more meaningful relationship; more meaningful days together; more meaningful emotional intimacy.

This is the beauty of marriage right here. I remember being single not having a consistent person to rely on. Yes, I had loving family and friends but they also have their own lives and their own problems. In marriage, though, your spouse becomes your number one priority and so you get to experience that loving feeling of being taken care of. There are days where I feel bad that my husband has to deal with my bad days whether I’m either emotionally down in the dumps, or just not feeling well physically.

One day I was flipping through an article on long-lasting celebrity couples, and each couple said something that has helped them be successful in their marriage. Some of the reasons were good, but this one by actor Bryan Cranston (from TV shows Malcolm in the Middle, and Breaking Bad) and his wife of 27 years stuck out to me. Whether or not couples therapy is successful for them (it seems like it is since they are still married), this statement is so powerful!

To say there are so many stereotypes and stigmas out there associated with therapists and therapy is an understatement. Therapists are often portrayed in movies and TV shows as jokes, and I’m not sure why, because seeking help for your mental and emotional state of mind is not a casual or comical thing! It’s also just as important to keep yourself emotionally healthy as it is to keep yourself physically healthy!

My heart hurts every time I hear my friends, neighbors, etc. tell me that their parents still don’t approve of their spouse. It’s hard to listen to them tell me things like, “They think he isn’t good enough for me” or “They tried to break us up.” These kinds of family situations frustrate me primarily because HELLO PARENTS, IT’S AFTER-THE-FACT! THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS NOW, SO PUT ASIDE YOUR OWN FEELINGS AND SUPPORT THEM INSTEAD OF DISCOURAGE THEM!

I love playing with sparklers in the summer! They are a fun burst of energy and warmth, and have totally “sparked” a comparison for me to marriage! Some couples at various points in their marriage, lose those fun, romantic sparks. Sadly, some of these couples wait around for the sparks to come back again on their own, which rarely happens. I think they wait around because it seems like a daunting task, right?

Since this is our 3rd attempt at Christmas cards, I kinda feel like I got it right. Maybe! I didn’t feel like I could put together a newsletter super quickly even though I already had our template from last year. Something inside me suggested making it somewhat more simple this year. But I like to give more than just the picture of us with a small Christmas phrase with our names on it.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop getting inspired by quotes that remind me to look for the lesson through hard times! If we apply this to marriage, I think the opportunity that #alberteinstein is talking about here are the opportunities to learn something about yourself, your spouse, or the issue. If our difficulty is disagreeing on something important, I get the chance to see another perspective I didn’t see before. I also get the chance to analyze myself and how I can improve.

This quote below is great to remember in times of disconnection and conflict. We try to look on their surface for any emotion to provide us with answers, but what’s showing on the outside might not be how they actually feel or think. You may think “He looks like he could care less right now! He’s stone-cold to me and doesn’t care about a resolution OR ME!” That might be what it looks like on the surface.

There are many choices and decisions to make that come throughout every marriage. Which is why I love this #freshfridays quote. When we make choices based on our fears it’s coming from a place of doubt. But when we make choices based on our hopes, it’s coming from a place of faith. Total opposites that can greatly change an attitude and even an outcome, right? I’ve been working on changing this way of thinking for myself lately.

Actor Chris Pratt just did and said some things about marriage and family that are too good not to share! Two things spoke out to me in this short article and I wanted to share those! (If you are short on time, go to #2, though!) TWO THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THIS: I love seeing couples make sacrifices for their marriage and family, whether small or large. To the rest of us middle class couples, taking 6 months off work to spend with your family is a BIG sacrifice, one that so few could afford to do anyways!

When life gets busy, it’s easy to just keep going and going, working at that to-do list. We let the little greetings we give to each other be enough. But you can’t go DAYS without truly talking with your spouse. Each of you NEEDS that. Whatever time of day it is that you are reading this, take that important pause in your busy schedule to ask your spouse how they are doing, in their day, in their week, or even in their current personal struggle.

[sc name=“soundcloud” id=“282060301” ] This question is so important to the #freshlymarried perspective! I believe that our daily positive actions add up to create a strong marriage, and asking ourselves this question can help us do that. For those of you wondering what the word “fresh” has to do with my overall marriage message, you can read more here :) But using a quick example: when restaurants have items specifically made fresh that day and not days earlier, that’s a restaurant you want to eat at, right?

I want to gear this #freshfridays quote towards our emotions. No one is in control of our emotions except for ourselves. So when we react terribly towards something our spouse says or does, we have to own that. That’s why I love this quote, reminding me that I get to choose how I react to a situation, but that my choice is also important. There’s a few types of choices, I believe.

“The truth is, Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.” - brene brown There’s this amazing video depicting empathy by Brene Brown that changed my life when I watched it. She talks about the difference between empathy and sympathy, the mistakes we tend to make when attempting to give empathy, and what we should be doing instead. It’s super short, yet super powerful! The animation helps you understand well, too.

Everyone can feel loved differently because we each have different love languages we speak. Sometimes your love needs to be shown in a certain way. However, it requires your time no matter how you show it! Be willing to give up your time to do something special for your spouse, to say something special to them, or just plain be with them :) Give time to your spouse today!

Sometimes I get the feeling that people take marriage for granted or discount its importance. I’m not just saying that because I’m a marriage guru, or because I don’t understand what it’s like to have children of my own yet! From conversations I have had with people lately, they have made comments that appear to me as devaluing a family that only consists of husband and wife. It’s as if they think a married couple simply on their own isn’t good enough, or isn’t a “family” compared to a married couple with children.

A HAPPY AND HEALTHY FAMILY BEGINS WITH MARRIAGE In the previous post connected to this, I discussed how it’s becoming more normal to put less importance on marriage and more importance on kids. I think that this normalized mindset has given people this idea that a family only consisting of a husband and wife isn’t good enough compared to a family that has a husband, wife, and kids. NEWSFLASH: Marriage is the foundation of a family, and the most important foundation we will ever build!

I hope you all enjoy your own trip down #memory lane with this #freshfridays thought :)

Little steps make up the whole staircase anyways, right? It’s the little things we do today that count. It’s the little things we do on our marriage that make it long-lasting!

For the last year, we have been looking into a big vacation for ourselves. We’ve done research to various places, planning, and multiple times were minutes away from actually booking a trip! Yet we haven’t pulled the trigger… until now! We finally did it - we went to HAWAII! Some of you might be saying, “Going to Hawaii is this big for you guys?” or “We go on vacations all the time…” Well, it’s different for us, and because it’s not something we do often, it will be that much more special :)

*This post contains affiliate links. Our time is very valuable as married couples, individuals, and parents. Weekends seem to be dispersed between your own events and obligations, family events, or just plain staying home on a Saturday night relaxing! If you got kids, throw in their games and activities, too. So when it comes to date night, it’s rare for some of us to find time for double dates, let alone our own dates!

As a society, especially women, we tend to get caught up in other’s love stories. The obvious ways we do this are through movies and novels, right? Writers make up these passionate love stories that (most of the time) are unlikely to happen, with the most convenient circumstances. When these stories are played out in movies, of course, we finally get to see it all played out visually so everything is played up.

We are all full of wisdom whether we have been married five days or five decades! Sometimes being a teacher helps us learn something ourselves. What would your advice be?

Substitute a few words with “marriage” and you now have a quote that inspires you to be more than just married :) “In the end, it’s not the years in your marriage that count, it’s the life in your marriage.”

Three years ago I wrote this message to Trevor on the back of a picture quote as encouragement that we could do the long distance thing. (I’m sad we can’t find the original right now but glad I took a picture of the smeared message I wrote him!) The story behind this little message set a precedent for our relationship and it’s one I think every couple needs reminding of :)

MIX IT UP. Some routines are happily comfortable and don’t need changing. But if you start to feel yourself wanting more out of your time together then you know a change would be good. You have to be willing to try something new, though, or you’ll get the same old results! Doesn’t have to be big but enough to continue progressing and being freshly married!

I was married in a Latter-Day Saint temple, where we believe allows your marriage to be eternal. However, simply having my marriage ceremony within my religion doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed to have a happy and healthy marriage! Believing you’ll have a forever marriage is different from actually creating one. Principles to follow I firmly know that the principles taught in my Latter-Day Saint faith and many other faiths directly coincide with principles you should follow for a strong and happy marriage.

I love this. Great advice for life but even better advice for marriage. If your marriage is in a “rut” you don’t have to settle for that stage. You both have the power to make the changes that will put you in a stage you feel happy with. Whether it’s making sacrifices, behavioral changes, or getting more outside help, you can make it happen. Think about that as you answer the #freshfridays question: “What change can you make TODAY to freshen up your marriage?

“…That is good news because no matter how flat your relationship may be at present, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow.” This weekend I watched Latter-Day Saint General Conference and heard some great spiritual messages! I also heard great messages about marriage, too! I especially found one particular talk I wanted to share that was so “nailed on the head” and relatable to all marriages, not just religious ones.

The #freshfridays encouraging thought today! It’s easy to wish you could start over, start fresh, but stop wishing because what’s done is done! The only thing you can do is utilize the new day you were given, and make a change!

The past few months I have found out more and more people that I knew or am still friends with have gotten divorced. The shocked part of me thinks: “I swear they all just got married yesterday!” And then the realistic part of me remembers that high school was 7 years ago and a lot can happen whether people got married right out of high school or more recently. Because I’m in this same grouping, it gives me mixed feelings, realizing that divorce truly is a possibility, but that I’m glad I have the strong marriage I have.

I am religious and rely on God and his son, Jesus Christ, in nearly all aspects of my marriage. So I have been wanting to write about how religion influences my marriage. This week as I have been thinking about Easter and Jesus Christ’s Atonement, I have been focused on his actions from his time walking among us on earth: the examples he set of kindness, righteousness, and love. These qualities he displayed have become known as “Christlike attributes” and although there are many attributes that I could apply in my life, there are a few specifically that have been most applicable to my marriage that I wanted to point out.

Choose to have learning experiences rather than fights, rather than ruts, rather than mistakes. Each of these IS an experience that teaches us something we didn’t know before. Choose to let that new information improve your relationship. For More see the blog post, “The Inevitable Storms in Marriage.”

I know it can be very hard to let little things go, or to let big things go. Overcoming your variety of feelings, is not easy. Forgiveness is not easy! Forgetting is not easy. I know that it’s easier to sing it than to do it (sorry not sorry if the song got stuck in your head lol) but once you do let it go, you also have let go of resentment and can move forward with a clearer heart and mind.

In my previous post, I talked about not holding onto mistakes you have made, or mistakes your spouse has made – Basically letting go of grudges you have with yourself or your spouse. Since avoiding grudges is a topic that seems to have many webs stemming from it, I wanted to elaborate on one idea right now that can be very helpful in moving forward from mistakes made in marriage: Looking for the good in the bad.

FACT: We have all made mistakes in marriage, whether they be big or small. I know when I make mistakes in my marriage I tend to be hard on myself for it, especially if it’s something I am continually working on but don’t seem to be getting better at quite yet. The feeling lasts for a few days while I still feel bad for whatever I did or said, and as I consider ways to become better.

Last year I wrote a series of posts on how social media can get the best of us and how it can affect our marriages. I now want to discuss another aspect of social media that can affect our marriages. THINK ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL CONNECTIONS I didn’t think there was a problem having tons of friends when I first started facebook back in high school. It was neat to be able to connect, but then I realized how it can make me feel envious or inadequate when I spend a lot of time on it and am involved in other people’s lives so much.

Hi. We are married and we both wear pants. That sounded funny huh? Well I’m just making fun of the stupid saying “Who wears the pants in your relationship?” because I hate it. Last time I checked we both wear pants, except on Sundays when I’m usually in skirt or dress ;) But seriously, though! I know it’s said in a funny and teasing way, almost sarcastically. However, remember, the thing about sarcasm is that there seems to be a little truth beyond its intentions.

This post contains affiliate links to Amazon. Which means Freshly Married can make a small commission on items you buy through these links. This is one of my favorite quotes, by one of my favorite people who ever lived. He says this quote above in his book, “Standing For Something: 10 neglected virtues that will heal our hearts and homes.” and I absolutely LOVE this book. I first read it about six years ago, and I still remember amazing points he brought up about society and families, and I find myself referring back to reading pieces often.

This is a humbling reminder on marriage that I truly appreciate. When we look at our spouses, we should view them with a sense of compassion, recognizing that they have weaknesses just like you do. And then I hope that compassion turns into excitement thinking about how great your marriage can be; how it can improve and strengthen. Your spouse has potential, your marriage has potential.

And by good things, I don’t just mean that it opens the opportunity for sex! haha. I think that by ending your night with a kiss sets you up for good feelings before you go to sleep. Good feelings or bad feelings can be the difference between staying up all night or having a beautiful sleep! Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying that if you don’t kiss your spouse goodnight that you are a terrible spouse, or that you’ll have bad feelings before you fall asleep!

That title sounds funny but you’ll get it when you’re through with this post. This past week I have been so grateful for Trevor’s support. I’ve been feeling down, stressed, and very emotional from some new medical developments in my life recently, and he has been there in ways I needed and also didn’t realize I needed. He reminded me how important support is between a marriage because it’s hard to receive that much support elsewhere.

*You will get the most out of this post if you read Love Languages Part 1: Understanding* We’re talking about this best-selling book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman! (affiliate link) So hopefully you have taken the assessments to know what your spouse’s love languages are, as well as your own. And hopefully you have discussed it with your spouse as well. (If you haven’t taken it yet, no worries, still important to know all this!

*This post contains affiliate links. I am a huge believer in love languages! Gary Chapman is most well-known for this idea in his book: “The Five Love Languages.” There are other interpretations when it comes to understanding how people feel loved but this seems to hit it on the head for me! I honestly could say I have a testimony on how important this concept is to marriages because I utilize it repeatedly in my marriage and in other relationships!

Story time When we were living in an apartment still, there was a new family that moved in below us; a wife, husband, and a few kids. Since they moved in, almost every day we heard them yelling. The parents would yell at each other, the parents yelled at the kids, and the kids yelled at the parents. I absolutely hated it; I cringed every time. Yes, I cringed because it is annoying, but mainly because it shows that they are were not loving each other and instead were hurting each other.

HUG MORE. KISS MORE. HUG MORE. KISS MORE. ETC. ETC.

I just read an article about a national study that found 73% of Americans have given advice to a friend or family member about their relationships. Source is at the bottom because I don’t want to bore you like a class lecture. However, I do want to address this important role of being a confidant to others on their relationships, because these people can be a very influential lifeline to your marriage success, whether it’s positive or negative.

When I watch TV shows that portray a husband and wife relationship, I get annoyed sometimes with how they act towards each other. Examples of this: Wives nagging their husbands and saying they don’t do anything for them ever. Husbands complaining and saying comments like, “this is torture” when helping their wife plan a party or something only she is really interested in doing. They say sarcastic things under their breath at each other.

I love Dr. Seuss. And not just because we have the same birthday :) When he says things, it has a way of making you think differently. My perspectives change and sometimes it results with a smack to the forehead like I should have known it all along, haha. Well this quote is one of those moments for me. Appearances can be deceiving A lot of times we look at a complex question and think that finding the answer is also complex.

I’m so glad we happened to get a blooper photo of me actually picking my husband up because it worked perfectly for this ;) Mondays can be hard, huh? It’s beginning another week of the daily grind, wishing you could go back to Friday :) What helps us get by on these days where we are lagging? Sometimes it’s a funny video on youtube. Other times it’s a diet coke or brownie.

We all know that being kind can change someone’s entire day around, or maybe someone’s act of kindness has changed YOUR entire day. Kindness is so powerful, if you didn’t know that already! Throughout my marriage I’ve definitely been shown and taught how powerful it can be. When Trevor and I first experienced tiffs with each other, our process of being upset and also working through it was something new to me.

I love love love this thought because it’s a great reminder to me that it takes an effort to make things great, and even when it’s achieved, it has to be maintained! It also attacks that old saying: “The grass is greener on the other side,” and I have a few ways I like to relate this to marriage… It’s easy to look at all the other marriages around you and wish your relationship could be as wonderful as there’s.

I’m excited to say that this guy is starting a new job at DOMO tomorrow and I’m pretty proud of him! Getting this job is kind of a bittersweet story for us, and I want to share it because I think it’s something every marriage will face on some level. “There is so much more of happiness to be had when we can rejoice in another’s successes and not just in our own.

I have been thinking about the little milestones in marriage a lot lately. The anniversaries and growing families are great – super awesome milestones! But I think it’s nice to honor those little things we do in marriage… The “little victories” if you will! The little victory I had when I wrote this was making a meal I have never made before, and slam dunkin’ the “HONEY THIS TASTES SO GOOD!

Found this quote the other day and I really liked it. Yeah it’s cheesy and cutesy, as well as simple and thought-provoking. Bittersweet decisions Throughout the past years I’ve come to know what’s most important in life. (Maybe it’s the selflessness I had to learn going into marriage, or maybe it’s just maturity? haha) It’s a bittersweet answer for me when I ask myself questions about the things I’m currently doing in my life.

This is the last post in a series of three posts on this subject. It would be beneficial to read part 1 and part 2 before or after reading this post :) How social media has affected my marriage Trevor and I differ on our level of social interaction. I have a stronger need for it than he does, and it’s OK :)Being different in this way set a good example to me, that I’m grateful for.

This is part 2 of 3. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, reading it would probably be to your benefit. :) All the world’s a stage I think each of us are on a stage. We give a public presentation of ourselves to an audience – the people walking by us on the streets, our co-workers, friends, family, and our virtual friends on social media. When we go out on stage, we pick the parts of ourselves that we want people to see.

Click the play button to LISTEN to this blog post! [sc name=“soundcloud” id=“273872657” ] Back in college I had to do an assignment relating marriage and relationships to something. It could be an object or an action, we just had to explain why. I found a lot of similarities between hiking and marriage so I wrote all those down here for you! :) It’s a crazy, fun, stressful, scary, beautiful adventure together.

I found this quote a long time ago, and it has been my favorite ever since. Unfortunately, I don’t like the song that these words come from, haha. I will credit the band and the song though anyways. The lyrics come from the song, “I Know How The River Feels,” by Diamond Rio. As a young adult, there were so many directions to go, and many crucial life decisions coming at me.

For more than 11 years I have kept a quote book, where I have written down any intuitive thoughts, quotes, lyrics, speeches, movie lines, or any other words that I have found meaningful. I’m very passionate about finding them, as they inspire, and encourage, me. I love relating some of these to my own life, and so I wanted to share this one I love relating some of these to my own life, and so I wanted to share this one that is very significant to Trevor and I.

It’s marriage quote Sunday, ya’ll!

Amy and I can be a little goofy at times… Actually, pretty much all the time :) One of the goofy things we do is call each other “mine.” I came home to a note on the table today that said “mine.” I love my wife. I am very thankful for the nice little notes that she leaves me around our apartment, on our bathroom mirror, on the fridge, through text messages, and through voicemails.