In a presentation about having a more connected marriage, one of my UVU professors shared this cute story about something he does in his marriage and I thought it was inspiring to share!

The Dot above the Door Handle

One night when he came home from work, his wife mentioned to him that she felt like she wasn’t being noticed, like the things she did in her day weren’t being appreciated as much. She felt pride in all the things she did around the house each day, and he wouldn’t really notice if something might be changed up in a room.

He wanted to be better at noticing those things so he set up a reminder-system for himself. He took a marker and made a little dot right above the door handle that lead from the garage to the house. When he would reach for the door handle every night coming home from work, seeing the dot reminded him to be aware of what she did that day around the house, and maybe ask more details about her day. :)

I love this because it’s a simple little idea, yet it has so much impact on daily life in this marriage!

The dot doesn’t have to just mean “notice the things my wife has done today when I walk in this door.” It can also be a signal for other things like, “make sure to actively listen to my spouse talk about their day.” or “Ok that was a long day at work, but let’s leave that stress there instead of bringing it all home.” That would have been a great reminder for me when I was working at my last job. I loved it but there were changes happening before I left, that brought some stress and drama among my coworkers and I. Unfortunately I brought that stress home every day and complained every situation to Trevor. It’s sad that I didn’t realize it sooner, but it just put a damper on our time together after work – The coveted time we daydream about having all day!! Having a reminder for myself to give a tiny summary of my day to him, or even just focus on the positive things that happened, would have helped me avoid diving into a sea of complaining stories over dinner.

Whatever your thing might be that you can improve on with your marriage, think about using this little dot technique or system, haha. It can be an actual dot or sticker right by the doorknob, or maybe it’s a notification that shows up on your cell phone saying, “remember to —.” Whatever the way you remind yourself, I think it can only lead to a more connected marriage :)

• all
• communication
• effort
• goals