When you think about a typical honeymoon (or look back on your own honeymoon), it’s a pretty great experience :) This picture is of us on our honeymoon to Park City; a.k.a Our best vacation ever! Honeymoons are full of fun, low-stress, and are fairly worry-free because the happiness of being together outweighs everything. That happiness continues on after the vacation is over. Hence, the “honeymoon phase” phrase, haha. It was such a simple time. I used to laugh at that typical joke, before I got married, thinking: “The honeymoon phase doesn’t have to end, does it?!” or “What’s so different about the honeymoon phase than the rest of marriage?” I’m starting to see a little bit of that difference now :) It’s hard to explain the differences I have seen and felt but I think they actually can be marked by “the honeymoon phase” idea.
A great start
I look back at our first few months of marriage and smile because it was very blissful, with few difficulties coming up. It was so fun getting used to living together, and making our apartment feel like a home. We got into a nice routine of daily life and of how we enjoyed spending time together. Many people would say this is when couples are very naive. It seems odd for me to say that we were naive during that time, because I think we had a fairly honest view of marriage. We felt confident in the way things were going, and what we were doing, and we were learning how to handle our conflicts well. Both of us individually, already started out with a good knowledge-base of what makes a solid relationship. Our knowledge then grew together as we dated, prepared for marriage, and began our marriage. I think we marked our knowledge and experience through simple rules, ideas, commandments, and “isms” that would help us live a happy and healthy marriage. As we applied all of those things to real experiences in our marriage, most of them worked, which affirmed to us that those ideas were fairly correct. Again, this is why we felt secure with being pros at this marriage thing :)
I am picturing some of you older and wiser couples smiling at reading this because you know a little better, haha… Life gets a little more complicated as the years go on, and therefore, marriage gets a little more complicated. Am I correct?
Our marriage still is blissful and happy. We have such a blessed life together, just as we felt when we were first married. I’m just now thinking that maybe “the honeymoon phase” really is a time of blissful and happy naiveness, despite how much confidence a person has. I say that because I feel that we’ve experienced more now that has made us even more content and secure with our marriage. It is very true that the dilemmas can get a little more complicated as you continue through marriage. Especially when you throw in big game-changers like having kids. Sometimes the answers can come through simple ideas we’ve been taught, like some of these:
And other times, it requires hours of talking, thinking, crying, praying, and understanding. But I know those difficult moments were helpful for us, because we’ve just added what we learned to our collection, which can help in whatever situation comes up next. It’s great.
Not naive anymore
When our marriage first started out, we were getting frazzled over the dance we do. Everyone has a dance they play out while in conflict, and it takes time to recognize what it is. For example, one couple’s dance might be that the wife runs into the bedroom and locks the door, and comes out fifteen minutes later to more calmly talk about it, while the husband waits. Everyone has a little thing they do each time, haha. So in the beginning we were still understanding what ours was, why we do it, and how it starts. That’s the naive part. But now, we know a little better how each person handles conflict, and how we can get out of the unhealthy parts of our typical dance. We may still be naive to other aspects of marriage we haven’t experienced quite yet, especially the world of parenthood. However, I still think we are out of the naiveness that comes with “the honeymoon phase.”
We’ve now been married for exactly a year and half, and I’m glad we can say we are out of that phase because that means we are onto the next phase! While I am not sure what that new phase is called (haha), and am not sure what all comes with it yet, I do know it’s a new level of happiness, bliss, and strength that keeps us progressing.
What do you think “the honeymoon phase” is all about? How did you experience it? Please comment and share your thoughts!