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Pink, True Love, what true love really is, newlyweds, dear true love, sleeping at last

A few weeks ago, I heard a stupid song on the radio. Well, goodness, aren’t most of the songs on the radio kind of stupid? At least the ones on the cheesy pop stations, are. (I really hate most of what is played on the radio and am baffled that our society actually enjoys them so much that they become a top 10 favorite, but that is an argument for some other time, haha.) Anyways, the song I heard really annoyed me for other reasons. The song was called “True Love” by Pink. Here are some of the lyrics from this song:

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say

Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face

There’s no one quite like you

You push all my buttons down

I know life would suck without you

 

At the same time, I wanna hug you

I wanna wrap my hands around your neck

You’re an —— but I love you

And you make me so mad I ask myself

Why i’m still here, or where could I go

You’re the only love I’ve ever known

But I hate you, I really hate you,

So much, I think it must be

True love…..

No one else can break my heart like you.

 

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings

Just once please try not to be so mean

I’m sorry, but does anyone else see something hugely wrong with this song?! I see multiple things wrong with this song, and I would like to address them. Some of you may think this is annoying of me to analyze this song as much as I am going to, but I think it is naive to not truly understand the songs you choose to listen to. I hate songs that send the wrong message to us, because those messages can be so strong within the influence of music. Even more-so I hate it when the wrong messages being sent have to do with love. On a side note, I’m not the only one who has been bothered by this song.  I wrote my thoughts down on why this song disturbed me so much, and then the funniest thing happened a few days later— one of my professors actually brought up this song in a lecture, so that we could dissect how dysfunctional it is hahaha. I’ll continue with my personal thoughts on this song.

To me, this song is saying, “I really hate this guy. I can’t believe I got with him in the first place. Oh wait… ______ is why I liked him in the first place. But, oh yeah, he says mean things like ________ to me all the time, and acts like ______ to me all the time. Well gosh, this probably isn’t a normal relationship but I’m afraid to be alone. I’ve never been with anyone else to know otherwise so maybe this really is true love?”

Talk about a dysfunctional relationship!

I know that some of you are thinking that the song is supposed to be a fun way of saying, “Sometimes this relationship can be rough, and he does things that make me frustrated. But overall, I think it’s still a pretty great relationship, and I do really like him.” I realize that through songs, and even when we tell stories ourselves, pieces of the story are exaggerated to make a point. But I don’t like how these lyrics are being exaggerated.

Now read through the lyrics again…  Well, yeah sometimes we disagree with our spouses or significant other, but does that mean we should want to slap them in the face? Have you ever known someone in a good relationship, especially in a “true love” type of relationship, that has ever said they hate their significant other? I haven’t either. What kind of stable relationship includes calling them vulgar names, saying you wanna hit them in their face, and hating every thing that comes out of their mouth? And she is really trying to kid herself that this is true love?

Too influential

Songs can portray more to a person than what is merely said, because we tend to apply songs to ourselves. When you think about it, a song can simply plant a seed; a seed that might not have been planted otherwise. If I was a naive 17 year-old girl listening to this song, I might say, “Oh this is so me and my boyfriend. He bugs me the majority of the time, but then does one thing that is cute and I just know that I truly do love him! I mean, this song says that it’s OK for us to be this annoyed of each other, so it’s gotta be true love!” I may not have said these exact words, but this was totally me when I was 17. I was stuck in a love/hate relationship, but stuck it out because I heard stupid songs like these that made me think our relationship was normal. But I am here, in a completely different stable, blissful, and loving relationship telling you that past relationship was NOT normal, and that I had no idea what true love really was until I met Trevor.

True love is far from including any hate in it. True love is never (even jokingly) threatening violence. True love is speaking positively about your relationship and not negatively. True love is treating someone with respect, and not calling them names. True love is realizing that there will be moments of frustration and disagreement, but also knowing that you can work through it. True love is a yearning to be with that person instead of a yearning to get out.


With all this being said, I’m sorry Pink, but I cannot see how any part of your song portrays the definition of “true love.”

This post might be geared more towards single women, but I think it helps us married couples appreciate the love that we were lucky enough to find. So to those couples that have a true love relationship that is not dysfunctional like the one portrayed in this song, be thankful and go kiss your spouse!

To girls and women everywhere, and even boys and men, please don’t be fooled into thinking this type of relationship is OK or normal, even if it’s on a smaller scale, because it’s not. Please don’t be fooled into thinking that you may not find anything better than a constant love/hate relationship, because you can. There are many songs portraying relationships and what they think a relationship is. Don’t be influenced by the media so much that you make their definition of love your own.

 

Keepin' marriage fresh,
Amy

7 Comments

  • No, Amy, I have reread my comment and apologize wholeheartedly, for it does come across very patronizing. I am very sorry. You are right to defend your beliefs, love and the meaning of a good relationship. If it ever comes across like I am bashing the LDS faith, please know that is not my intention. When I make comparisons I am really just trying to explain things from an outside perspective and hope you will remember that and excuse me if I come across in a condescending manner, for it is certainly not my intention. I read your blog and various other LDS blogs because I am very fascinated with the faith, particularly with the approach to family life. I so greatly admire the strength of relationships and marriages such as your own, because it is hard to find outside of religion. I personally am Agnostic, but I hope wholeheartedly that I can someday find a husband who ‘gets’ what a strong family is supposed to look like. I really don’t have any examples of that in my life, if I’m honest. I find it very encouraging to read. And, at the risk of sounding like a total loser, I wish I had a friend like you. I am 22 and don’t have many friends because I am battling mental illness and my anxiety is too severe for me to go out of the house much. I also don’t have a good relationship with my family. You seem like a really kind, strong young lady with a very mature head on her shoulders and someone I would love to be friends with if we didn’t live thousands and thousands of miles apart, haha.

    • It’s totally fine, Chloe :) I think you’ve commented enough for me to understand your intentions are based from curiosity rather than the intention to bash. I think it’s so great to have outside perspectives on the blog, and so I appreciate you providing that for us. I am so glad that you have that hope and desire to have a strong family; that was my whole purpose of bringing up the song in the first place, trying to encourage others that you can have strong relationships. I’m sorry that you don’t have many strong examples in your life, I know how that can be. I can tell you that the only way I came to be the kind, strong lady you complimented with, is through going through hard experiences in life. I’m sorry for the hard experiences you are going through, but I know they can be for our good some day. They teach us things. We can be blogging friends, whether we live miles apart or not :) Keep on keepin’ on! You are awesome!

  • I think true love looks different for everyone. I totally understand your viewpoint. I just think different people connect in different ways. P!nk and her husband, Carey, have been together for about 15 years. YouTube them and you will find plenty of videos that show the love and respect they have for one another. I do have to say that most of the world does not do marriage as the LDS church does. The Mormon religion has very strong focus and example of what a marriage should look like. And that’s fantastic! I have so much respect for many LDS couples and the way they do things. But I have to say that it’s not reality for the rest of the world for the most part. It’s a very sheltered little bubble. This song takes things to the extreme and I totally get why it concerns you. I just feel like people need to love one another however it works for them.

    • As always, thanks for bringing your thoughts in, Chloe! I do have to add though, they actually have only been married since 2006, so that’s only 8 years, which also included two years separation that almost led to a divorce. I know that all couples go through a rough patch but that’s not necessarily normal, or healthy in my opinion. I am really grateful that I was raised in the LDS religion that encouraged the relationship between husband and wife, giving standards for how beautiful marriage can be. I’m glad that you respect that. But what I wrote wasn’t necessarily coming from a faith-based opinion. In general, a healthy relationship does not involve all that stuff she sings about. A healthy relationship is a reflection of true love. You’re right, everyone connects differently and loves in their own way, but I don’t think any person goes into a relationship wanting to be put down, yelled at, or hoping to be trapped and unhappy. I know my friends don’t, whether LDS or not. And I don’t think you do either :)

      Whether or not the rest of the world has the same view on marriage as the LDS church does, I don’t think anyone wants a marriage like the one Pink portrays in her song. It makes me sad that women feel that a relationship like that is normal, telling them that is the best they can get. Why should this be reality for people? That’s why I don’t like this song! It’s telling women that a relationship like this is their only reality. If knowing that my spouse is going to treat me kindly, never yell at me or call me names, and doesn’t have feelings of wanting to leave, then I’m perfectly happy with being in my “very sheltered little bubble.”

    • I guess if you count how long they dated, they’ve been together for about 12-13 years. But even aside from that, whether she was singing an exaggerated form of her relationship with her husband or not, I’m trying to point out that the relationship she portrayed in the song is dysfunctional. This kind of relationship doesn’t have to be anyone’s reality whether it’s commonly found or not.

    • I was counting how long they have been together, yes. Thank you for your reply. I can’t help but sense that you feel as though I am bashing the LDS faith. If so, I am very sorry because that certainly is not the way I meant for it to come across.

    • Chloe, I am sorry if my boldness came off in a way that made you feel I was offended. I’m just so passionate about marriage and the family, and I am a huge advocate of happy marriages inside and outside of the LDS faith. I truly did go through a difficult relationship that I was kidding myself into thinking it was normal, and that’s the best I deserved. I never want anyone else to feel that way because I know it’s absolutely possible to have a happy, non-dysfunctional marriage whether you are LDS or not. I just wanted to defend that part of my message. I always appreciate your comments and your genuine interest in whatever I post about. I don’t feel offended by your comments at all!

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